


My Beautiful Palette: Finding the Correct Shades of Blue

by Pink_Seashell



Series: My Beautiful Palette [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Na Jaemin, Boys Kissing, Cheating, Dom/sub Undertones, Drama, Drug Use, Drugs, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, Prostitution, Psychological Trauma, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Smut, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Top Lee Jeno, Tsunderes, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:34:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Seashell/pseuds/Pink_Seashell
Summary: Lee Jeno is a male prostitute in Tokyo. He just so happened to notice Jaemin, and his not-so-enthusiastic boyfriend walking into a bar. Knowing that Jaemin would be lonely and sexually frustrated by the time the next six weeks had ensued, he thought it was a good act of business to give him his card.Despite his rule of trying not to get involved with anyone who he could have the potential possibility of being attracted to, he had no idea that the role could be the same on the other side. He has one, very firm rule:Don't fall in love.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Series: My Beautiful Palette [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562815
Comments: 20
Kudos: 187





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This book will be consisted of 30 chapters. (This is part one and will be consisted of 8 chapters. I am currently working on part 3 😊 ) Please enjoy!
> 
> -This book contains triggering content that includes, but not limited to: rape, drug use, fighting, and abuse.
> 
> (TWITTER: @xxSeashell)

Jaemin clenched his hand around his shot of whisky, the drink so enticing in this situation.

He stared blankly at the man across from him, rethinking all of the choices over the span of seven months that got them to this point. All of the sex, pain, fights, and tears.

It all just seemed like a waste of time now. Even now, he knows that this meeting was a waste of time. Maybe Jaemin didn't mean anything to him at all. _Did I ever?_ He thought wonderingly.

His eyes shifted upwards when the man slammed his empty glass of beer onto the wooden table.

"Look, it's been a month. I don't answer your calls, I don't text you, we don't even hang out anymore! How many more signs do you fucking need? I don't want you! Stop calling me."

"Xuxi, please-" Jaemin said desperately. This is his last chance, and he knows it.

"Just stop. We're done, okay? I'm leaving. And don't call me again!" Lucas growled while grabbing his black jacket.

Jaemin whipped his head around, watching Lucas storm out of the dingy bar. He sighed then downed his shot of whisky with a smirk and cloudy eyes. All he could think about was ' _why doesn't he want me anymore?_ '.

This love shit sucks.

He waived at the bartender for two more shots of vodka before he started crying and embarrassing himself. It hurt, so bad. Lucas promised him many things, and like the fool that he was, Jaemin believed him.

He stared at his phone while it sat there, lifeless. He wished desperately that the name of his now ex-boyfriend would show up, but of course it didn't because they were done.

They had been drifting apart for about an entire month, but now it's official, and Jaemin misses him. Lucas just left and he already misses him. He misses the hugs, the bright smiles, and the sex. Fuck, he missed the sex.

The way Lucas would leave hickeys all over him every time they fucked, his deep moans when he would climax, and the cuddles that he gave Jaemin when they were done.

He blushed furiously as he kept his hands folded, trying incredibly hard to resist those memories. But as he thought back to it, the more he wanted it.

Wanted him. Badly.

Maybe he drunk a little too much alcohol, but he couldn't help it. As Jaemin was about to down another shot, a man in an all red suit sat in the chair across from him, eyeing him.

"What the fuck do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy here?" Jaemin slightly slurs in Japanese with pink cheeks and a new glass in his hand.

"I see that your boyfriend just broke up with you." The man responded.

"Way to go captain obvious..." Jaemin muttered in Korean as he looked up from his shot glass. As he was about to down his drink, he realized that the guy understood what he said. He could barely see the man's face in the dim light, but his voice alone sounded almost too good to be true.

It was like smooth chocolate.

“You speak Korean?” He asked surprised.

“Of course. I knew that you were Korean just from the way you dress.” The man responded.

Jaemin quickly glanced down as his attire a bit confused. He had on black skinny jeans with black hoodie and a tan trench coat. 

He could see a smirk illuminated dimly by the overhead light, but still clearly arrogant. The man didn't wear a shirt under the vest of his red suit. It was also unbuttoned a little too low; his slightly tan chest glistened under the dim lighting.

He looked very handsome, Jaemin couldn't deny it. Even if the lighting was shitty.

"This is a pretty crappy place to get dumped." The man sighed.

Jaemin nodded, still keeping his mouth shut. He stared up at the man while tracing the lid of his shot glass with his finger. "Who are you?" Jaemin inquired. There was no way a man as handsome as this guy would go for a guy like him.

"I'm a no strings attached kind of guy."

Jaemin pouted, obviously not satisfied with the answer.

The man ran his hands through his hair, seemingly a little agitated before re-answering the question. "I seek to pleasure people for money. Or you can just call me a prostitute, but that just sounds...you know? We get a bad rep, honestly."

"I had a feeling. You're too hot to voluntary come to this table of all tables." Jaemin chimed. As he was looking down, a small white business card slid from the other's tapered fingers to his side of the table.

"What’s this?"

"My card."

"No offense but I don’t want you, I want Xuxi! I hope Xuxi falls into a ditch and never gets out of it." Jaemin muttered to himself angrily while taking another shot. He was too drunk to focus on reading the card, so he picked it up from the table and crumbled it, stuffing the ball into pocket of his black jeans. 

He heard the man chuckle although he couldn't see more than half of his face in the dim lighting. "You're pretty cute. Give me a call sometime." The man said before walking out of the bar.

That conversation combined with the amount of alcohol in his system seemed to tire him out quickly. He leaned his head against the table and yawned, his eyes wanting nothing more than to close.

"Jaemin-kun, maybe you should go home now? Shall I call a cab for you?" The Japanese bartender hinted while behind the counter, drying some glasses.

"No, it's okay. I can walk home." Jaemin retorted in Japanese drowsily while putting on his denim jacket.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I live like two blocks away." He placed two fifty-dollar bills onto the wooden table before leaving the bar.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

 **A** **few** **days** **later**

He felt his stomach knot as he thought about it. He finally got the courage to get up and look for the card.

He dug through a pile of dirty clothes until he found the pair of jeans he had worn that day and he prayed that he hadn't thrown the card out. Jaemin stuffed his hand into the back pocket and bit his lip as he pulled out a crumbled white business card. As he unraveled it, the small dark red print practically glaring at him.

Jeno  
1994  
'Male Prostitute'  
(010) - 968 - 6463

He snorted at the words 'Male Prostitute' and reluctantly went back to the couch, collapsing onto it and grabbing his cell phone. All things considered, Jaemin was surprised to find that Jeno was a year older than him.

He typed in the numbers into his phone and muttered a quick 'what am I doing?' before hearing a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hello? um, Jeno?"

"Yes?"

"I... Well uh... At the bar... Your card...." Jaemin ran his fingers through his black hair and let out a sigh. This was kind of embarrassing, even though he shouldn't be. This was this Jeno's job, right?

He could hear a faint laugh from the other end. Perhaps what he thought were the words 'sooner than I had expected'.

"Your address?"

"Five minutes from Akishimi Subway, Kawasaki Villa, third floor."

"I'll be right there.” Jeno said curtly before ending the call.

Jaemin took a heavy sigh, setting down his phone onto his nightstand.

What the hell did he just do?

Within ten minutes he could hear someone coming up, knocking on the door. He opened it slowly, peering through the small crack to see the man. He had tan skin, full lips, and messy black hair. And to be very honest, he was handsome. Like very handsome. The lighting in that dingy bar a few days ago definitely did him no justice whatsoever.

He leaned against the door frame, smirking down at Jaemin with an almost intimidating stare. "Oh yeah, you're the cute one."

Jaemin could feel himself blush as he opened the door wider, stepping aside and rubbing the back of his neck as he invited the other in.

"I'm not cute..." Jaemin muttered as Jeno moved around his house.

"It's nice."

Jaemin nodded his thanks for the compliment, watching Jeno slip off his shoes and step in. He couldn't help but to stare at the beautiful figure of the man. He was dressed in tight black jeans, and a plain white button-down shirt, tucked into the waist of the jeans. The sleeves of the shirt were fashionably rolled up to his elbows. He looked absolutely stunning in such a basic outfit. Jaemin imagined how Jeno would look shirtless and gulped.

He wasn't sure exactly how to go about this.

Does he just walk to the bedroom and wait for Jeno to follow? Or maybe a little tour of his apartment? At the very least maybe he should get him a drink.

"Do you want a glass of water?"

Jeno ignored Jaemin's question, staring at him for a moment. "You really are fantastic." Jeno frowned. "It would be a shame, but do you have anything?"

"What?"

"You know... problems."

"Um...?"

"STD's."

Jaemin blinked a few times and shook his head. "No."

"Mm." Jeno smiled yet again. "Good. I have to ask you know... No one would appreciate the quality of my work nearly as much if I gained some sort of disease. Then, shall we?"

"Y-yeah, I guess"

Jaemin nodded, leading the way into the bedroom and wondering if it would be too much to just back out now. He'd probably still be charged simply for wasting 15 minutes of this guy's day, so he thought against it, deciding to go all the way.

Reluctantly, he went to the edge of the bed, turning to Jeno with a curiously shy stare. Jeno gave him a reassuringly amused smile.

"You've never done this before, have you?"

Jaemin shook his head.

"Don't worry." Jeno took a few steps forward. Jaemin shuddered with anticipation as the man walked towards him. His hands came to his waist and lifted Jaemin's black t-shirt slowly. "This definitely isn't my first time."

Jaemin allowed him to lift the material over his head and felt oddly exposed as he saw Jeno look down at his chest.

Jeno's hands were tracing his stomach, his palm inching up and sliding over his right nipple. His thumb rubbed a circle around it, but never got too close to make Jaemin react with more than a simple sigh.

"Your work... How many.. um.. appointments do you have every week, or day, or whatever."

"I'm very exclusive you know."

Jaemin tilted his head curiously.

"You're rather lucky I stumbled into you that night. I really couldn't help it. Seeing the look on that guy with you when you both walked in in front of me, I knew he was about to do something. We can stop now if you prefer."

Despite his words, Jeno's hands were moving more than willingly towards the small tent in the others pants.

Jaemin shook his head no, determined to get this experience if only to make himself never think about it again.

It would be better to do it and hate it, rather than regret not doing it at all. However, the fact that Jeno was so calm, perfect, and absolutely thrilling, he wasn't so sure if he would hate it. To be very honest, that scared him, just the tiniest, tiniest bit.

Because if Jaemin doesn't hate it, what if he wants more?

"Jeno, is there anything that I'm not allowed to do?" Jaemin whispered breathlessly.

He smiled at Jaemin and pushed him down onto the plush mattress. Jeno climbed on top of him with a look of complete infatuation. His voice soft with a hint of pity.

"Don't fall in love."

He pressed his lips to Jaemin's, and the feeling was breathtaking. It was as if their lips were meant to fit together. Their tongues slid over each other with the smallest noises ensuing. Jeno took off Jaemin's sweatpants and smirked against his lips when he realized that Jaemin wasn't wearing any underwear. His length sprang free, flopping on his stomach.

Jeno smiled at the sight then moved away, stripping himself.

Jaemin was enjoying every second of watching Jeno's clothes being peeled away from his slightly tan skin. He held his breath as perfectly defined abs became visible, followed by a small chuckle as Jeno seemed to be enjoying the attentive stare.

The elder went back to the bed and leaned down, kissing him again while pumping the younger’s dick with his hand. Jaemin gently tugged on Jeno's hair to release himself from his addicting lips and let out a strangled moan when he increased the speed.

"I want you to put your ass in the air for me." Jeno whispered into Jaemin's ear.

Jaemin got on all fours a bit dazed as Jeno grabbed lube from his jeans pocket. A single packet of lube was followed by three more, multiple flavors, and three condoms. He felt as if he were completely unprepared for this and wished he had done some research beforehand.

First came the lube, squeezed from a packet, and Jeno's fingers, spreading the chilled gel lightly. He slid his middle finger into Jaemin.

Then he slid one finger after another until there were three digits being pumped into him.

Jaemin's ass was dripping with lube as Jeno kept thrusting his fingers into him, eventually hitting his prostate. His moans bounced off of the wall as he gripped the sheets. The elder sped up his pace, hitting that sweet spot each time.

Jaemin panted harder, his legs going jelly as Jeno used his other hand to jerk him off. His walls clenched tightly around the man's fingers; the double sensation was driving him insane. He subconsciously began rocking his hips, fucking himself back onto Jeno's fingers, too entranced by the pleasure settling into the pit of his stomach.

"F-Fuck, Jeno, can you put it in now?" The younger whined. He looked back at Jeno through his hooded eyes, panting heavily, knowing that he looked absolutely wrecked even though they haven't really started yet. He wanted him to fill him up before he came.

Jaemin could have sworn that he saw the slightest flash of enjoyment flicker through the other's eyes, but he wasn't sure how he could be enjoying it. It was his work, completely forced. For all he knew he could be completely unattractive in Jeno's eyes, making his work hell for him.

"Sorry for making you wait." Jeno said with a smirk. He usually doesn't do a lot of foreplay with his other customers but watching Jaemin squirm and moan just from his hands alone made him so hard.

He held his breath for a moment, contemplating his next words. "And although I don't normally allow myself to say such things, I'm glad you called me. It's been a long time since I've truly appreciated this."

He added more lube, lining himself up to Jaemin, sliding his dick in slowly. He was watching cautiously to make sure Jaemin didn't want him to stop.

Jaemin was surprised when he was driven forward hard. Jeno's dick was thicker than he had ever imagined. It stretched him in all of the right ways. He inhaled sharply as he felt fingers tugging his honey locks, and then his head was being wrenched back. It made his back arch even more, the man's dick now deeper inside of him.

Jaemin let out a loud moan as the man thrusted into him hard, sending him forward. He desperately hoped that his neighbors wouldn't be able to hear him through his bedroom walls.

Jaemin didn't expect Jeno to feel this good.

The elder let go of Jaemin's hair to grab onto his ass. Some pre-cum spilled from his dick as Jeno went faster. They fell into a fast rhythm. With each stroke the headboard hit the wall.

"Ah- fuck" Jaemin moaned, his eyes half-lidded and filled with pleasure. Every thrust of his hips pushed him closer to the edge, never ending pleasure shot throughout every nerve in his body.

Jeno suddenly pulled out and Jaemin felt empty. He bit his lip, waiting for Jeno to put his cock back in with anticipation.

However, he was surprised when Jeno slammed into him again. Jaemin's upper body collapsed onto the bed when it was just too much. His lips brushed against his cotton black sheets and he could feel waves of his pleasure starting to take over. It wasn't too long until Jaemin came, white cum squirting all over his stomach. The elder followed him not long after that.

The sound of Jeno's moans was still stuck in Jaemin's mind as he pulled out of him. He looked up at the practical stranger, and was overcome with a feeling of joy, wondering how he could experience any such emotions from someone he technically didn't even know.

The man ripped off the condom, being sure to dispose of it in the trash can beside the bed. His lips pulled into a small smile as he looked up at Jaemin's flushed face and wide eyes, unable to resist one last kiss before standing from the bed.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno slowly began to stretch, relaxing his muscles before grabbing his clothes from the floor near the bed.

"Bathroom?"

Jaemin pointed towards the door in the hall closest to his door. "As soon as you walk out of the room it will be on your right."

Jeno nodded then walked towards the room, closing the door behind him. 

Jaemin heard the water running, so he guessed that he was taking shower.

So…that was it?

He began to hastily grab his own clothes, slipping on at least the bottom half of his attire. Jaemin walked out of the room and towards the living room, sitting down on the couch. One thing that he did notice was the soreness that his ass felt at the moment. A hot bath would be nice, he thought.

He began replaying the mental image of Jeno removing his shirt, button by button. He really should have just taken a picture because it was definitely wallpaper worthy. By the time he was deep into his thoughts the elder was in front of him, walking towards the front door.

He looked as beautiful as always, his hair still dripping wet from the shower. But he was wearing the same clothes that he came in with, and Jaemin wondered if he should have given him freshly washed clothes.

He got up and followed the man, dragging his feet. He wasn't sure how to say goodbye to a man who had just dicked him down after having no more than five minutes’ worth of conversation in their entire relationship. He was also incredibly worried that he would miss this, because that was, to say the least, exhilarating and breathless and surprisingly better than he had expected for the abrupt ending it had.

Jeno turned as he got to the door, slipping his shoes back on and looking up at Jaemin with a boyish smile.

"Call me again if you'd like."

Jaemin fumbled over his words. "How much would it cost to make you spend the night with me?"

Jeno scanned over Jaemin's shirtless torso and replied brightly. "About ¥500,000 I suppose."

"Do people normally ask you to?"

"I told you, I'm exclusive." Jeno smiled. "I only offer that service to customers who really want the company."

Jaemin fiddled with the strings of his sweatpants.

"Do I fit into that category?"

Jeno chuckled.

"Maybe next time." He held out his hand. "Speaking of, I need the pay immediately."

Jaemin looked at his outstretched hand and quickly shuffled through his pockets. "How much?"

"¥250,000."

Jaemin choked a little at the price and Jeno laughed shyly.

"I'm exclusive, remember?"

Jaemin handed him the bills, muttering "I can see why."

"Then," Jeno bowed politely. He turned around and opened the door, stepping out and closing it behind him.

Jaemin heard sirens in the background and felt as if the police would be coming after him for doing what he had just done.

He looked at his wallet and swallowed.

He'd have to use money from his savings in order to afford next time.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

"Good evening. Or should I say night?" Jeno greeted, lightly bowing to the elderly woman who had grey hair on his way up the concrete stairs inside of the apartment building. His slender fingers slid gently over the metal rails as he made his way to the third floor of Kawasaki Villa.

It had been exactly two weeks since he had made this ascent, and he was moderately pleased to be seeing the wide-eyed boy again. He always appreciated people who called a second time because he knew that it meant that his work had been appreciated, and he wasn't losing his touch.

Still, two weeks was rather recent. Three months, maybe six, that was how it normally went.

He chuckled to himself as he rang the doorbell of the apartment. He admired how this boy was so shy, yet so willing, two complete opposites put into the perfect mix of sexy and cute.

The door opened, revealing the slightly shorter figure. Jeno smiled down at him, his hand resting on the metal and pushing it open gently. It was as if he was prodding Jaemin to stop being shy and let him do his work.

Jaemin's eyes flitted over him. He stepped away from the door, nodding a greeting as the elder stepped inside, slipping off his shoes and walking to the middle of the small living room.

"It's not too late is it? This was the only time slot that I could work out with you today." Jeno said, his eyes flitting over the other. He had on a fluffy burgundy sweater that slightly covered his hands. He slightly frowned, this was the only time that he has ever seen the younger in a different color besides black, and in a few minutes it would be pulled off of him.

"It's fine, it's only 9pm." Jaemin replied.

Jeno nodded, glancing around the moon-lit apartment. It was a complete contrast to his apartment. Everything was so clean and dusted. However, he also noticed that there were no paintings or pieces of artwork placed here. Completely bare walls. He wondered why Jaemin left it this way as he turned his head and glanced towards him.

"You called me quickly, I hope this means you enjoyed it?"

Jaemin nodded, pursing his lips as he looked towards the ground. "I probably would've called you the next day if it wasn't so...expensive."

“Are you always like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like… you know, shy.”

Jaemin stared at him, looking a bit offended.

“Contrary to what you might think I am actually a very outgoing person. It’s not my fault that I’m so nervous-” Jaemin abruptly stopped his rambling, covering his mouth as a slight blush dusted his cheeks.

Jeno laughed, stepping forward and grabbing Jaemin's waist in a rather bold move, deciding that he wanted to feel the fluffy piece of clothing against his body, savoring the moment. He pulled him to the couch, settling him on his lap. His arms wrapped around the other they sat together in the dark apartment. If he listened closely, he could hear the younger's heart beating rapidly, and that made him happy for some reason.

"Jaemin?" He mumbled.

"Mm?"

"You're so squishy." He said as he nuzzled him, the younger’s back pressed against his chest. It was warm and cozy as he slowly breathed in Jaemin's sweet vanilla scent. It was so sweet, as if from a shampoo or fabric softener.

He didn't quite understand why, but he felt so content. This feeling didn't come to him very often, if ever.

He tilted Jaemin's chin sideways with his hand. His hot, wet tongue pushed past Jaemin's lips without warning, claiming those heart shaped lips easily. This was almost a complete breach of his own rules, it was close, and intimate. It was more of a sign of love, and although every part of his being were screaming at him, telling him to let go and stop hugging him, his heart was completely unwilling to unwrap his arms.

He abruptly unlocked their lip, and Jaemin's eyes had managed to get even wider.

Jeno’s hands slipped through his black hair as he was encased in the warmth of his own body. His fingers began to feel numb, his heartbeat thumping in his ears faster by the second. He moved Jaemin aside carefully and stood up as his hands began to shake slightly, his body shivering as he stared down at the younger, his expression almost panicked.

"Jeno, what-"

He took a deep breath, his eyes showing no sign of worry as he stared into Jaemin's eyes. _Calm down. It was just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything._

"Shall we get started?" He pushed Jaemin back onto the cream couch, laying him down. His hands slid gingerly over his shoulders and up to his cheek, only for him to pull away, tugging Jaemin's pants off, and stripping himself.

Not too intimate.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno's fingers circled around the tent in Jaemin's briefs and he didn't hesitate for a moment to pull his length out from underneath the elastic waist band, sliding his hand gently over Jaemin's length.

The only noises to be heard were the sounds of Jeno's lips at Jaemin's skin, and the small whimpers and moans that escaped from the younger's lips as headlights of passing cars shone through the translucent curtains.

Jeno sat up slowly, trying his hardest to hold back his heart from pounding in his chest. His hair was slightly dampened by sweat as he reached into his jean's pocket laying on the floor, digging around, pulling out a condom and a packet of lube.

He began to tear open a condom, and Jaemin hesitantly placed his hand over his knuckles.

"Don't."

Jeno pouted his lips in confusion.

"I- I mean, do you have to? Is it against your rules or- It's just.." Jaemin stuttered. He turned away, staring at the coffee table, wishing he could shut himself up before the words spilled out of his mouth. "I want to feel you."

Jeno's eyes widened, his heart ignoring every effort to stay calm. It was pounding in his chest, harder than he had ever felt before as he kept his expression stoic.

"Sorry, but this is a precaution that I do with all of my customers." He said shyly before throwing the condom on and opening a packet of lube.

This was bad.

This was incredibly, incredibly awful. Why would Jaemin trust him this much?

He was launched into a spiral of confusion as he layered his fingers with lube and slowly began to push his digit into Jaemin's entrance. As soon as he heard Jaemin's desperate moan, he knew he had to get out of there.

Fast.

He mindlessly positioned himself between the shorter man's legs, trying to line himself up.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when his position was suddenly shifted. The elder, now sitting on top of him, and he was seriously tight. But his mind was hardly paying attention to that.

His thoughts were enthralled by Jaemin.

The way he bit his reddened lips as he sat down on his cock, his pale skin glistening under the moonlight that shone through the windows. There was no denying it, he’s beautiful. Jeno's breath was caught in his throat as the younger let out another heart-shaking groan.

This was dangerous.

He began to panic, squeezing the younger's thighs hard due to his anxiety, and Jaemin let out a pitiful squeak.

"Jeno!"

He looked up at Jaemin, face flushed and lips redder than he had noticed before.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?" He said breathlessly.

Another curt nod. Jaemin leaned down to peck him on the lips before moving, slowly speeding up to a steady but strong pace. Jaemin bounced on top of him quickly, then grinded slowly. He repeated this pattern over and over again. This teasing was going to drive him insane.

When the man eventually picked up the pace, Jeno let out a deep moan against his own will, his head tilting back in pleasure, unable to control himself. "Yes," he said with an airy moan, "Just like that." He could hardly breathe from how tight Jaemin was around his length. 

It felt amazing. The sounds, the touching—and suddenly he wanted to taste his lips again, but as he glanced at Jaemin's lips, he decides to do nothing.

Instead, he grabs Jaemin's ass and drives his hips up, pounding into him fast and hard. Jaemin’s fingers dug into his biceps. They both could barely breathe, moving their bodies in nothing but lust.

"J-Jeno- nghh" Jaemin moans as he threw his head back. He trembled on top of him, mewling as he tried to keep his volume down. With every thrust, his length disappearing in and out of the younger's ass, the shorter male eventually came.

He panted heavily as he was close to the edge as well, a drop of sweat dripping down the side of his face. Jeno looked at the spray of cum on Jaemin's chest, and the younger seemed all too pleased, motioning for him to move closer.

"Jeno" The younger whispered in a daze.

"Hm?"

"Take it off."

Jeno didn't quite understand what he meant, but his hands were already moving. He pulled out of Jaemin and took off the condom, throwing it into the trashcan near the couch.

The younger grabbed his dick and Jeno looked down at him with amusement.

He licked the tip teasingly then licked along the underside of Jeno's length. He swirled his tongue around the slit, then took him against the back of his throat.

Jeno's eyes lulled to the back of his head at the feeling, his worry dissipating for a moment as he slid his hands underneath Jaemin's shoulders and lifted him slightly, urging him to bob his head more. Not much later, Jaemin’s mouth completely engulfed him, the length sliding down his throat. Jeno thrusted into his mouth, causing the other to groan around his length, forcing a moan to slip out of Jeno's mouth as his head fell back in bliss.

Jaemin deep throated his cock as trails of saliva slid down his chin.

Jeno tried to hold in the feeling, but a warmth rushed through him, starting in his legs and moving to his stomach as he released into his mouth. The other made a desperate attempt to swallow without choking as he pulled Jeno's dick out.

Jaemin leaned back on the couch with swollen lips and tousled hair, gasping for air as he was desperately tried to catch his breath. It was cute.

There was a small, almost awkward silence. He really needed to get out of there before he stares at the shorter man any longer. Jeno pulled him down for one last peck before he stood up, grabbing his jeans, and walking towards the bathroom door.

Jaemin opened his mouth, hoping the words would come out on their own and that he wouldn't lose every ounce of his pride just by saying them.

"Jeno, uh, that 'special service', you know, spending the night, can I? I mean, can you? We don't even have to have sex. Uh, I have the money for it, I can pay you right now if you-"

Jeno put his finger to his mouth, walking back to Jaemin who was sitting helplessly on the couch, and leaned down to connect their lips briefly.

He smiled lightly, his eyes soft, not at all showing the worry clouding his thoughts.

"Next time." He said before walking back to the bathroom. As soon as he was inside, he splashed his face with cold water and steadied himself on the bathroom sink, staring at himself in the mirror.

"Get it together. This is just a job with a stranger. Nothing more, nothing less." He nodded to himself and got dressed quickly. He needed to get out of there as quickly as he can before another panic attack crept its way back up again.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin sat up as he watched Jeno walk into the bathroom. He looked down at the mess spread over his chest, grabbing fistfuls of his own hair and trying to stay calm.

He quickly grabbed the wipes underneath the coffee table and wiped his cum off of his chest. He said next time. He made a flurry of excuses to hide the worry that Jeno might really dislike him. He just can't today, maybe he has something to do, maybe his mom died, maybe he actually does have a medical history and has to go get a checkup in the morning. _I hope he's not about to die,_ Jaemin thought.

As Jaemin was having a mental breakdown on the couch, the man emerged from the room once more, his hair no longer quite as unruly as before. His lips curled into a small smile. His shirt was still laying in front of Jaemin, hanging off of the coffee table.

Jaemin gingerly grabbed it, handing it up to him despite the fact that he really, _really_ didn't want him to put it on.

"Thanks."

Jaemin nodded, reaching to the coffee table where his wallet sat, the exact change sitting beside it. As soon as the shirt was over Jeno's head, he held out the palm full of bills. "It's the exact amount." He said with a smile. "Would you like me to get you some coffee? You could at least stay a few minutes, right?" He saw Jeno, ready to shake his head, and quickly continued. "I'll even pay for the extra time, and-"

"Jaemin."

His voice was sharp, and Jaemin's spine went rigid. He hadn't heard his name said like that before. He was being both reprimanded, and pitied. He knew that he sounded desperate. It reminded him of that day with Lucas in the bar. But he can't stop himself from at least trying.

"I-"

"My rule." Jeno said curtly.

"Oh...Right." He whispered, averting his eyes towards the floor. Jaemin walked back to the couch, looking utterly disappointed as Jeno walked to the front door, bowing lightly, then putting on his shoes.

"Jeno,"

He turned around, slipping on his shoes as Jaemin began to stand up. "Don't get up." Jeno said.

He nodded, sitting back down. "Will I see you again?"

"You have my card."

"You won't change your number?"

"I have other clients you know." Jeno said with a smirk.

"Oh. Right. Okay. Um, goodbye... Jeno."

"Goodbye, Na Jaemin."

The door clicked shut and Jaemin was encased in lonely darkness, waiting for the sound of his footsteps to echo down the stairs.

' _I have other clients you know_.' Jaemin, you're an idiot. You're not the only one. He probably has to go see someone else tonight. He's probably really fucking busy. You can't see him again, at least for another three months. Absolutely not. You won't call. You won't.

He was still waiting for the sound of Jeno's footsteps, wondering why they were taking so long, or maybe he had been so distracted by his thoughts that were screaming at him from his own mind, he had missed them.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He had no idea that Jeno was still standing against the door, tears streaming down his face and hands shaking.

Jeno hadn't felt this for such a long time. His mind was already being overrun by a man. He'd only seen him three times. This shouldn't be happening.

His rule.

Jeno was trying to remind himself more than reminding Jaemin. He felt a stirring in his stomach every time the boy's eyes went wide and his cheeks pink.

He ran his hands through his hair, trying to get himself to stop shaking. His lips were parted as tears were running freely to his mouth. He just knew that his eyes were already going a little bit puffy.

He hadn't even spoken to Jaemin any different than he would anyone else that he would meet on the street.

Normally he's nice, open, laughing, he's not the least bit formal unless he's working. Jaemin hadn't seen that side.

He had always talked in a somewhat robotic manner, overly formal and incredibly polite. Opening his speech up would mean being comfortable and wanting a friendship.

Friendship.

He shivered, pressing his back against the cold metal of the door and shutting his eyes.

Friendship was a different kind of love. Friendship was nice, and happy, not romantic in the least. Maybe he could love Jaemin that way. Maybe if he could continue to justify it as friendship, he wouldn't be so afraid.


	3. Chapter 3

** [Flashback] **

"Hyung, can we play the same thing we did yesterday?"

A bright smile and squinting eyes responded to the younger's pleading. "Sure. What'll we bet on today?"

The child planted himself on the floor, crossing his legs and holding his feet, rocking back and forth with a frustrated glare before a smile broke through his focus. "I want a candy bar."

"Again?"

"Well... Not just any candy bar... A really really big one."

"But what do I get if I win?"

The child went back to frowning, staring up at his older brother. "You've never won before. You won't win this time."

"Oh yeah?" His brother set down the box holding the game, crossing his legs in front of the child and ruffling his hair. "I just do that on purpose, so you won't cry like a little baby."

"I'm not a baby!" The child protested, swatting away his brother's hand. "I'm five years old already!" He held up three fingers, scowling at his own calculations and quickly raising two more.

"Exactly. I'm almost fifteen. You're practically a baby compared to me."

The child stuck out his lower lip, watching as his brother picked up the lid from the box and began to set up the game. "It's not my fault I got here late. Mom said the stork got lost on the way here and almost dropped me off in Australia by mistake."

The elder chuckled, ignoring his hand phone and handing the younger a bag full of pieces for him to choose from. "How would she know?"

The child pulled out a blue one, handing the bag back. "She told me herself. She said it's a miracle the stork didn't pass out flying over the ocean."

"So, you're a miracle?"

"Mom said so."

"Well I guess it must be true then."

His hyung showed bright eyes and white teeth as he took out a green piece and set it at 'start'.

"Were you a miracle too hyung?"

The taller shook his head, leaning over the board and holding the child's chin between his thumb and forefinger. "I don't need to be a miracle. My little brother is a big enough one for the both of us."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin stood in the midst of the convenience store, staring lifelessly at the different flavors of ramen and onigiri, wondering if maybe he should just give up and not buy anything.

He was brainstorming on ways to convince Jeno to come over again. This time though, he wasn't looking to pleasure himself. He was hoping, maybe if he didn't mention it in the phone call, he could convince Jeno to stay and just hang out. He wanted to learn more about the elder. His favorite movie, his favorite snack, how late he normally stayed up and how soggy he liked his noodles.

Everything.

Finally, after half an hour of loitering from aisle to aisle, he went to the cashier. He unloaded bags of sweets and snacks with different flavors and milk from his basket. He had spent ¥42,000 on a bunch of junk and he was absolutely sure that if he couldn't get Jeno to stay, he'd be sick and three pounds heavier by the time he were done with it all.

He bowed to the cashier, pushing open the door of the convenience store and making his way back to his apartment.

He was climbing the stairs at a snail’s pace, trying to plan out a conversation in his head as he typed in the code to his apartment door.

He walked in, slipping off his shoes and not even bothering to take off his jacket as he set down the bag, pulling out his phone and swiping towards his contacts screen. The contact for Jeno was already on his screen from the last time he had been contemplating on calling, only to not go through with it and come up with this fantastic plan to bribe the guy with food. He pressed the 'call' button. His hands we're shaky as he slowly lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Jeno answered.

Jaemin swallowed, his tongue swiping over his lips as he curled his fingers tighter around the object, his heart pounding in his chest. Jeno probably hadn't saved his number. Of course not. He was just a client with no guarantees of even calling a third time why would Jeno save his number?

"Jeno, uh, I..." He wasn't going to do this nervous bit again. He was going to get it together and be confident and cheerful and nonchalant. "Can you come over? Kawasaki Villa remember."

"Yeah?"

"I mean... are you uh...Jeno are you busy?"

"No. No. Not at all. I'll be there in fifteen."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Yeah?", Jeno smiled at the phone, nodding to the man he was previously talking to and turning away.

"I mean... are you uh...Jeno are you busy?"

Jeno was slightly astonished by the unnecessary use of his name. It had a tendency to spark something inside of him, and he liked the sound of it, bad cell phone connection or not. "No. No. Not at all. I'll be there in fifteen." He said.

It had only been one week this time.

He hung up, grinning to his drinking partner. "I've got some business to take care of."

"Business?"

"Yeah, you know, my law firm. They need me to come in and look over a case."

"But it's late."

"Duty calls." Jeno set a handful of cash on the table, walking out of the restaurant quickly. A large grin was on his face as he got onto the subway.

But as he stood in the midst of all of those people, he started to get more and more nervous. His first thoughts of Jaemin were great, happy even, but then he thought about the breakdown he had afterwards. The sight of Jaemin's finger's curling into the couch cushions as his hips bucked. The way he pleaded with almost angelic moans.

Suddenly, Jeno wasn't smiling anymore.

His palms were sweaty, and his stomach was in knots as he stared bleakly at an advertisement on the subway and wondered if he'd be okay. He certainly did not want to cry in front of a client.

Especially Jaemin.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Yet another trek up a very exhausting set of concrete stairs. He wished that the apartment complex would consider an elevator as he rang the doorbell.

The door opened immediately.

Rather than the normal shy stare and the avoidance of strong eye contact, Jaemin looked overjoyed. A large smile plastered over his face, the door swung open with enough force that it nearly bashed into the wall.

Something about this made Jeno's heart soar, or on the other hand, made him feel more unsettled than he had felt in a long while.

"Come in. Hurry up." Jaemin said with his big smile.

Jaemin grabbed the sleeve of Jeno's jacket, pulling him in, and Jeno let out a small grunt as he was pushed inside, and the door slammed shut.

He began slipping off his shoes as Jaemin started to urge him to peel off his jacket, and he shyly allowed the cloth to be pulled off of his arms and put on a hook. He looked at Jaemin, and his expression must have been completely befuddled as Jaemin laughed. His apartment was brightly lit compared to the normal dim-lighting setting of the past two visits.

"You're probably wondering what's up right?"

Jeno nods, a strange sounding 'uh huh' coming out of his throat as he observes the living room.

"I... Well come on let’s sit on the couch first at least."

Jeno followed feeling clueless; being pushed down onto the couch without another word.

He'd had pushy customers before. He'd had customers that preferred to top, taking the lead on everything and even having the audacity to ask why there wasn't a discount when Jeno was just laying there while the top did all the work.

He'd even had a guy who insisted on role-playing whilst doing the deed, and had bought a dress for Jeno, which he had refused to succumb to and curtly left, but never had he had someone this cheery. His other customers were always awkward, or even a little scary. He hadn't ever been welcomed before with such bright lights, and the smell of coffee floating around the room.

But as much as he liked this, this wasn't his job. He is paid to do sexual favors, nothing more.

"Jae-"

"Here." The man threw a blanket over his head, laughing as he pulled it off and puffed his cheeks.

"Jaemin, what's going on?" His voice was harsh and the younger immediately shied away, his courageous facade faltering with four words as his smile disappeared.

"The thing is," he frowned. "I don't want to have sex this time."

Jeno tilted his head, looking up at him and wondering why he had even been called. "Well... why am I here?"

"I want you to stay, for a night."

"I'm-"

"Just hold on."

Jaemin went back to the small kitchen, emerging with a tray, three cups set neatly on it. He would've spoke if not for Jaemin setting the tray down, rushing back to the kitchen and coming out with an entirely new tray, loaded with chips, candies, even some weird stuff that you wouldn't think of eating for any reason except maybe your grandfather is in town and demanded them.

"What's all of this?"

The man plopped himself onto the couch next to him.

"This is hot cocoa." He pointed to one of the cups. "This is tea." The middle. "And this is coffee, cream and sugar on the side." He pointed to the right one. "Take your pick."

Jeno was just continuing to get more and more amazed at how much effort was put into what he assumed was Jaemin's way of convincing him to spend the night.

"And?"

Jaemin smiled softly.

"Just stay. Let’s watch some movies. I'll let you pick. We'll stay up until two in the morning together, and you can spend the night here, we can sleep together. I can make you breakfast tomorrow, or we could go out and get something. We could even order pizza if you'd like."

Jeno looked at the popcorn and the skittles just sitting there and wondered why Jaemin would care this much. "I'll pay you your normal rate, as if we were having sex tonight. Extra for the full night. Even a 10% increase if you're still doubting this."

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Jaemin's hopeful expression.

"Why would you do this?"

"I just wanted company is all. I'm lonely in this apartment all by myself."

"But why go through so much trouble? And an increase? Are you insane?"

Jaemin wished he'd just shut up and say yes already. "I'm not insane. I told you I just want company. Some of this stuff has been in my cupboards for ages. I just wanted you to come and help me eat some of this crap. I also wanted to wake up to see someone. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend not that long ago."

"Well..." Jeno scanning his eyes for any other motives. Maybe he had drugged the drinks and was into some assault novels. But as he searched the overly wide and expectant deep brown eyes, he saw nothing but desperation and nodded.

"If that's what you'd like."

Jaemin grinned, laughing and standing up. "Great!"

As he walked towards the light switches, Jeno had a burning question in the back of his mind. He blurted it out the more that he thought about it.

"Jaemin do you have any friends? I've never seen you or heard you on the phone with anyone..." He trailed off, feeling a bit embarrassed.

Maybe that was a bit too personal.

"I do have friends. Well, a friend. His name is Donghyuck. He's not here though, he's living in Seoul right now since he's going to a university there." He said while turning off the lights, grabbing the remote and falling onto the couch beside him.

"Why did he go all the way over there? Do you miss him?" He asked. Jeno wanted to know more about Jaemin, contrasting from his behavior in the last few visits where he didn't ask about anything that wasn't related to sex. Maybe they could work towards a friendship, but that was just wishful thinking.

Jaemin visibly tensed, focusing on the black screen as he spoke. "Well, we actually went to the university together...it's a culinary program. But, you know, school is expensive, especially when it's such a prestigious university. "

“Oh really? Which university?” Jeno asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Seoul University.”

Jeno choked on his own saliva as the words left the younger’s mouth.

Seoul University?

Why would he leave one of the top university’s in South Korea that only 1% of people could attend to live in Tokyo by himself?

Jaemin took a sip of his drink before continuing, his eyes a bit hazy, "And I really miss him. But enough about that, you should pick out a movie."

Jeno reluctantly nodded and got up from the couch, trying to stop himself from wanting to know more about the situation.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno picked a movie quickly, some American thing Jaemin had never heard of before. Apparently, it was new and had a light plot, so he had no reason to object as the opening credits began.

The younger made note of everything Jeno did, watching the other's face more than the movie itself.

He had chosen the hot cocoa, which had somewhat surprised Jaemin. He seemed elegant, but rough. Not childish in the least. But as far as his people-deducting skills go, he figured people's beverages told something about them, or so he had picked up from gazing over a sub-reddit.

The tea was elegance. The coffee was manly of sorts. And the hot chocolate was a little kid frolicking around in the snow. He felt as if he had been lied to by the Internet because now that he thought about it, it didn't seem to add up at all.

Jaemin pouted his lips in confusion. To his utter and complete shock, Jeno was adorable.

As he sipped at the hot cocoa, small chocolate stains stayed above his lip for the longest time until he finally found a few seconds to look away from the movie and notice them. He quickly rubbed them away with the back of his hand. While reaching for a bowl of popcorn, his face was illuminated by the movie. His eyes would follow every part of the character progression as he shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Jaemin would occasionally glance to the screen whenever he thought Jeno might notice his staring. Or whenever Jeno would laugh, wondering if maybe he had missed something important, he would glance towards the television. But whenever he did so, he felt as if the really important thing he were missing was Jeno's smile and the cute crinkle in his eyes.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno felt himself loosening up.

He liked having the distraction of a movie. He liked watching it with someone he— although he was too afraid to admit it to himself—cared about, and he was absolutely thrilled to have this many snacks sitting an arm’s length away from him. The movie was called 'Begin Again' starring some girl of which he would never dare to try and pronounce her name. He'd never seen it, but he had heard of it, and he was thoroughly enjoying it even though Jaemin's gaze was burning into him every second of the way.

Every once in a while, he'd laugh. Not that the movie weren't laugh-worthy, but he'd do it a lot. Jaemin would look away towards the screen, and as soon as the younger did, Jeno would stare at him for a change. Wondering how someone could manage to smile in such a wide, but cute way.

When the credits rolled, Jeno was left with a warm feeling right in the pit of his stomach. The clock only read 11:47pm and he was overjoyed to have more time.

Jaemin turned to him - as if he hadn't been facing that way the entire time and smiled.

"I liked the movie."

Jeno laughed, grabbing a handful of the remnants of his popcorn and throwing it at Jaemin, the white puffs cascading down the blanket as Jaemin tried to shield himself.

"Did you even watch it? You were so busy looking my way. Was the movie reflecting off of my forehead or something?"

Jaemin blushed, but thankfully there was a black screen on the tv, and the rest of the lights were out. He was sure that Jeno couldn't see his reddened cheeks in the dim glow.

"I just..." He really would never get tired of staring at a face like this. "I'm getting my money's worth is all." Jaemin said with a chuckle.

This. This is what was dangerous.

Jeno was used to the thought of "I'm not unattractive, I don't smell bad, and I don't have an awful haircut, therefore, there's no way my presence would be hated by a stranger." Which he would follow by: "I am going to their place to help them . Of course, it's more pleasurable to have someone else help you do it rather than sitting alone in a dark room. They appreciate a fast, pleasurable way with no strings attached." And then: "Whether they really like me or not, the chemicals released from their brain to give them such sexual desires are going to make them remember it as a pleasurable experience. This proves I don't mean anything to them, they are simply asking for me because it is a logical, great way to have all of your sexual tension released, and I mean nothing."

However, Jaemin wasn't like his other customers.

He was cute and shy and took this completely seriously. Jaemin had just thrown every single word Jeno had used to convince himself that there were no attachments and said something that insinuates a thought such as that he was _worth_ to be paid by simply sitting there.

Laughing stupidly at a movie and giving a few anxious smiles, as if the entire pleasurable sex thing could be dumped down the drain and all he had to do was sit and model and make a nice little love relationship.

All of this arose from a simple sentence like 'I'm just getting my money's worth.' That had to be a lie.

Jaemin stood up, grabbing his empty cup.

"More hot chocolate?"

Jeno nodded with a grin, and Jaemin wished this night would last forever. "Pick a movie while I'm up?"

The younger reached for the remote, knees brought up to his chest as he began to scroll through a collection, squinting and staring at the DVDs when he began to wonder if he'd manage to find anything online.

Jaemin thought he'd died and gone to heaven as he stood in the kitchen, staring at the elder. Jaemin was completely ignoring the hot cocoa as he was too busy listening to Jeno humming. It was a song from the movie.

Maybe Jeno wasn't even noticing what he was doing, so as he fell from the couch and searched for DVDs whilst crawling around on his knees, the sound of him humming was one of the most heavenly thing Jaemin had ever heard. If there had been anything he had learned from his damn music teacher, it had been that music meant comfort. When someone shares their music with you, they're opening up to you. When someone hums or sings around you, they don't feel vulnerable or too awkward, they're happy.

Jeno, the male prostitute who was kneeling on Jaemin's floor and sliding Ice Age into Jaemin's DVD player. Humming happily in Jaemin's apartment.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

They made it through Ice Age, they made it through Billy Elliot, and halfway through Karate Kid. At 3:42am they were both completely exhausted and stuffed to the brim.

Jeno wished he could secretly take note of the things Jaemin was doing, wondering if he would at all be able to charge him for the extra things he tried. He imagined if he did it would be something like this:

1) Finding out facts about me that I don't like to disclose to customers such as my favorite color and how you write my name in Chinese characters, but trying to do it discreetly with stupid things like 'did you know you only write 'Jeno' with two in Chinese?' to which I was absolutely forced to reply to as that is complete and utter bull and everyone past an elementary level knows so.

2) Do Jaemin what the hell are you doing? Do you think that I don't notice you scooting over on this damn couch?! There are *three* cushions. One for me, one for you, and one to sit neatly in between us as a boundary! So why is it that as soon as I looked your way there was only one third of a cushion in between us?! I could feel your shoulder rubbing against mine, who do you think you are?!

3) Motherfucking Na Jaemin is leaning his head on my shoulder I'm going to have a heart attack!

4) I swear to God if he looks up at me with those sleepy eyes once more, I'm going to bolt out of this apartment as fast as a fucking panther don't you dare.

5) Leaning on me was one thing, but I didn't even notice that we were sharing a blanket when the hell did he do this? Note to self: Jaemin is a sneaky bastard. Do not trust.

And by the time he started thinking about number six, he realized he was also very, very tired. Jaemin was already sleeping beside him. So ever so gently, he got up, making sure not to let Jaemin's head fall.

While picking him up from the couch as slowly as possible, his hands accidentally slipped underneath Jaemin's shirt. He shut his eyes tight as he tried not to think anything sexual or in the area of attraction.

He walked into the room he had begun to become familiar with. He set Jaemin down on the right side of the bed near the window, and gingerly lifted the blankets, pulling them up to Jaemin's shoulders.

His stomach was twisting at the thought of sleeping in the same bed. His heart feeling ten times heavier as he got a nauseous feeling all the way up to his throat. But with how tired he was, he was willing to give up his own preferences and deal with the little things that made him uncomfortable.

He slid into the sheets, throwing off his socks and curling up into a ball, laying next to Jaemin who was already beginning to snore lightly and smiling to himself while glancing at the clock.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

When Jaemin woke the next morning, his mind was racing as his eyes opened slowly. He looked over to see Jeno splayed out, hair spiking in every direction with one foot hanging over the edge of the bed. He chuckled at the sight before bolting to the bathroom to brush his teeth as the sugar had left a very awful taste to wake up to.

Next, he ran to the kitchen. He was trying his hardest to wake himself up even though he wasn't at all used to all-nighter's and sugar hangovers. He was having a hard time trying to deal with only four hours of sleep. He hadn't done that since high school.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno laughed lightly as he saw Jaemin running around the kitchen, figuring he might as well just continue to lay there and enjoy it for the last half hour he had left.

He felt strange, out of place, maybe even violated having slept in the same bed, waking up to the same face, and watching as he realized he had become completely familiar with the boy's scent of vanilla body wash.

Sure, he had slept over with other customers, but Jaemin was different.

Realizing that the taste in his mouth was not going to allow him to sleep any longer, he got up, going to the bathroom and trying to rinse his mouth out. He used a little of Jaemin's mouthwash and hoped for the best.

He exited the bathroom, rubbing his eyes and hoping that today could be one of the mornings where he actually woke up didn't look horrendous.

He leaned over the counter, lifting his eyebrows curiously as the younger had his head in the cupboard under the sink. "Jaemin~"

Jaemin jerked up, hitting his head on the bottom of the counter and letting out a curse as the pan he was holding hit another one and an entire stack of kitchenware came tumbling down. He stood up slowly, rubbing his head with one hand and holding a frying pan straight up in the other as Jeno backed away and stood straight, staring at him with a smile and soft eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"I told you I'd make breakfast."

Jeno shook his head, yawning. "I'm alright. I don't eat this early very often."

"So that's why you're so fucking slim." Jaemin mumbled, looking away.

"What?"

He grinned. "Nothing. Aren't you going to stay a while though? I could make more coffee or hot cocoa or-"

He grimaced at the thought of hot cocoa. Five cups was enough to last anyone at least a few weeks. "I'm fine."

He nodded, knowing the inevitable moment had come when Jeno would start to get harsher and Jaemin would be forced to pay up.

"I left the money on the table for you."

Jeno looked back, craning his neck to get a glimpse of the cash and turning back with a smile and a nod. "Thanks." He went to the table, picking up the money and stuffing it into his back pocket.

"Then,"

"Then," Jaemin repeated, staring at him, almost making him feel a bit guilty as he walked to the hook and grabbed his jacket. "Uh, I'll be seeing you."

He slipped on his shoes, keeping his balance with his hand placed on the wall. "Uh Jeno,"

He looked up with wide eyes. "I want you to save my number on your phone." He blinks, somewhat confused by the request, and Jaemin quickly tried to explain himself. "I'll uh, I'll be calling you a lot probably."

He smiled, nodding. "I suppose I can do that."

Jaemin didn't have the slightest idea that he was already on speed dial. "Goodbye, Na Jaemin."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The younger turned, the tone of the door opening chiming through the apartment. It chimed once more as it shut, leaving Jaemin still holding a frying pan in the air as a big gaping hole already took place in his heart.

He set down the black pan, turning and hitting his back against the counter, sinking to the floor.

It had been nice. The illusion of such a relationship, the feeling of waking up in a bed next to someone you loved when you had originally fallen asleep on their shoulder. It was nice having a conversation early in the morning, seeing how someone else looked when they first awoke and hearing their tired voice.

It was nice, but it wasn't real.

It was all nothing but an act, except he had inevitably come to wish the act were real, and the real was just a mediocre nightmare. He had payed Jeno to do this, to act this way. He had paid him. He had bought a fake friend for the night and there was nothing more to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the multiple shifts of POV in this chapter. It will happen again (coming up real soon). It would be a real pain in the ass to rework it on top of all of the editing, creating new chapters, and story-line rework. After Chapter 5, it won't be like this :)


	4. Chapter 4

** [Flashback] **

"Shoot him dammit!"

"You know Mom doesn't like it when you curse."

The boy, age fourteen, frowns, his eyes rolling and meeting his brother's stern expression. "You know, ever since you got past drinking age you became a real killjoy. I know you're almost twenty-three and all, but that doesn't mean you're an old man yet. Loosen up a little."

"Look who's talking." The elder ignores the new wave of zombies coming toward them, setting down his controller and ignoring the younger's pleads of 'we can't pause what are you doing!?' and 'We almost got to the thirtieth killing wave how could you stop!?', eyeing the chestnut-haired boy intently as the menu came up on the screen.

"You're the one who's all 'let me study I have to make it into college!" and 'There's no time for me to talk I've got basketball practice, and swim practice, and this girl on the cheer squad was flirting with me in the cafeteria the other day so you should get back into your truck before she sees us and I get - embarrassed being seen with my ahjusshi of a brother." He raised the pitch of his voice, mocking the younger.

"Well whatever." The boy turned to the TV once more, moving his analog stick and highlighting the word 'restart'. "I'll apologize if you go another round with me."

The elder laughs, a loud, boisterous laugh from deep in his throat, the bright squinty-eyed smile returning. "Alright, fine." He grabs the fourteen-year-old (who's particularly tall for his age), scooting him along the carpet and dragging him closer.

"What are you doing?" The younger cranes his neck, looking down at his brother's hands placed on his hips.

The elder ignores him, luckily able to overpower the strong willed kid and forcing him up, the latter's fitting nicely into the gap left in the other's crossed legs and the boy flinched at the feeling of his hyung's chest pressed against his spine as he reached around the figure, picking up his controller from the ground, the plastic meeting his right hand in front of the smaller's chest, his arms looped around him.

"What the hell?"

The elder places his chin on the boy's right shoulder, looking up at the TV screen. "Like this, I'll definitely get us past wave forty, I swear it."

The younger's eyes light up as his voice brightens with excitement.

"Really?"

"Mhm."

"But um, is this normal?"

The elder frowns, his voice incredibly matter of fact as the game begins. "What do you mean 'is this normal'?" He snorts. "We're brothers. It's not like skin-ship is forbidden."

The younger nods, blinking rapidly, trying to get his eyes to stop burning as he prepared for the first wave of zombies to appear, the controls rather awkward as he had his lummox of a brother wrapped around him.

"Fine. Whatever. But if you fucking die before wave thirty, I'm going to fill your pillow with chocolate pudding."

"Just shut up and play the game."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Jaemin?" Jeno looked at the small figure with wide eyes, quickly correcting himself. "I mean um, Na-san?"

Speaking in Japanese rather than Korean and using his last name in such a way felt extremely awkward but he ignored his instincts to speak informally. This wasn't the same as being called to work and saying his first name. This was an unexpected meeting.

They didn't have any sort of personal relationship.

He gripped his umbrella tightly, to the point of his knuckles turning white. His left hand was stuffed into the pocket of his insulated jacket as he stared in front of him where Jaemin stood.

Eyes wide as always, plastic shopping bag in hand, and shyness clearly evident over every curve and contour of his face.

"Um, Jeno, hey." He mumbled his words, speaking in Korean rather than Japanese. "What are you doing here?" He looked past the tall figure to the building behind him, three signs above three entrances. The first reading 'nails and hair', the second 'fitness for the all', and the third 'psychological care.' The words 'always here to listen' painted tackily in small blue print over a white background directly underneath the main sign.

He was sure that Jeno hadn't gone to get his nails done, and he didn't seem like someone who needed a therapist. So, despite the fact that he didn't look as if he should be the least bit "Desperate for Fitness" Jaemin figured he had just come from some sort of training session or something. Maybe even yoga.

Jeno looked behind him guiltily, thankful that there were multiple businesses and it wasn't too painfully obvious where he had just come from. "You know, just the normal... stuff." Jeno said.

"Yeah, yeah."

Jeno couldn't help but feel awkward. It didn't help that Jaemin's conversation skills were highly lacking. Maybe Jaemin wasn't comfortable enough to talk to him casually.

Jeno shifted his weight to his left foot, not sure what to say or do or anything, and to be very honest, he was a little bit scared by how intently Jaemin's eyes seemed to be fixed on him. "Where are you heading?"

"I just got done buying some groceries." Jaemin lifted the bag in his hand to prove this were true. Jeno thought he could make out at least four boxes of crackers and some instant noodles through the translucent plastic. He smiled to himself at Jaemin's idea of "groceries".

"Are you busy?" Jeno asked.

"Um, well not exactly." Jaemin was beyond curious why Jeno would ask this.

"Well to be honest, I'm kind of starving, and I really hate sitting at food stands alone, you know, with how much old ladies talk and gossip with you and whatnot. So, well, would you mind coming with me for some Takoyaki and ramen?"

"S-sure. I guess I'm kind of hungry too." Jaemin looked as if he was taken aback by this request.

It was simple.

Not as if Jeno were asking him to come home with him or something, but there was still a voice screaming in the back of his mind 'dateeeeeeee this is a dateeee!!!' and he wished he could put that damn voice on mute as the shorter nodded contently. 

Jeno grinned, walking through the remainder of the puddle and stepping beside him. He held his umbrella firmly above Jaemin's head more than his own, still gripping it tightly and trying his best to keep it from shaking even the slightest bit despite his fingers already cramping up. Really, even though the raindrops were very, very light, he was beyond worried about Jaemin getting too wet, not taking care of himself and getting a cold. If he hadn't agreed to come along, he very well might've offered to buy Jaemin an umbrella as his inner-weather-detector was sure the rain would get steadier. As the image of Jaemin getting soaked to the bone like a wet puppy surfaced in his mind, he became increasingly determined to see Jaemin home and make sure he didn't get stuck in a monsoon.

They sat on shaky stools. One order of a big seafood pancake, three fish cakes, and two green bottles of sake between the both of them.

A small part of Jeno was beyond thrilled to have company— company who paid for the entire meal nonetheless, but still, there was another side eating away at him. Telling him this was absolutely, completely, through-and-through, the worst idea he had ever had.

This was practically a fucking date.

Jaemin took a reluctant bite of a pancake ball . Sauce smeared all over his upper lip and he immediately wiped it off.

Jeno thought it was cute. Jaemin blushing, stuffing the entire ball into his mouth rather than taking bites to avoid any food getting on his face. He felt as if maybe Jaemin were nervous. Despite the night that they had just two days before, he was still just as stiff and awkward as he was before.

And it was great.

This was the limit of where Jeno could feel comfortable and stay away from a mental breakdown. Not too close emotionally, but still in close proximity.

"So, um," Jaemin started before flinching as a woman sitting behind them banged her glass onto the table. He quickly turned, wincing at the sharp noise as the empty sake bottle shattered onto the ground.

Jaemin turned back towards Jeno slowly, trying to ignore the woman while pouring Jeno a shot of alcohol instead, wondering why she would be so drunk at this hour in the day.

"Aren't you going to drink too?" Jeno asked.

"No. I am completely against drinking before noon." Maybe he wouldn't mind a drunk Jeno, or at least a tipsy one. "Do you live around here?"

Jeno nodded as Jaemin poured another shot for him. He turned away as he downed the sake. Jeno's shot glass tapped against the counter as he set it down. "I'm about ten minutes from here. I have a small apartment. It's kind of a family community, so they're really interactive and always ask me to socialize." Jeno said.

"Are your neighbors nice?" Jaemin asked.

He tears off a piece of the Takoyaki ball with his fingers, and chews, swallowing quickly. Coughing just barely at the mention of neighbors, his voice strangely shy. "Yeah...Most of them."

He noticed a shift in Jaemin's demeanor and just had a feeling that he was going to ask about this more. Maybe he shouldn't be liking this, but it was comforting.

"And?"

He swallowed his urges with another piece of the pancake. He asked Jaemin to pour him few more shots before answering his question.

Jeno wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking up at Jaemin, and only then did he notice that Jeno's eyes were puffy and slightly red. He thought maybe it was the alcohol, or a small allergic reaction, and passed it off as either.

But he was still worried that maybe Jeno's eyes had been like that before they went to eat, when he had first seen him.

"Well to be honest, one of my neighbors was my customer once. He had come in slightly intoxicated one day and I allowed him to take me into his apartment and strip me. And, you know, we did the deed. I took the money from him after he had passed out on the bed and went back to my apartment. But he comes to my room every once in a while. Or when the community gets together for a meeting or whatever, and he'll take me to the side and start touching me, or yelling, or trying to overpower me. He kept saying 'I demand to get what I paid for.'

Jeno ignores all etiquette, grabbing the bottle of sake and pouring a glass for himself. He swallowed two shots worth and looked back at Jaemin who looked strangely concerned. 

He realized that maybe he was.

"It's okay. I'm used to having people touch me. It just gets a little annoying every once in a while. I'm hoping his lease lets up soon because I've still got over a year on mine."

Jaemin, however, was not only concerned, but horrified. Under no circumstances was an abusive neighbor okay. "Well what about life, can you support yourself with just... What you do?"

He laughs. "Prostitution?"

"Mhm."

"I don't have a choice. I'm good at sex, and nothing else. I dropped out of high school just before I turned seventeen. I don't know about engineering or medicine or any of that fancy stuff everyone else aims for. I can charge higher rates the more pleasurable I can be." He shrugs. "I kind of like this 'profession' - if you can call it that - anyway. I get to meet people and learn about basic humankind, and figure out reasoning behind men who cheat on their wives with other men." He grins. "It's kind of fun."

"So how did you start doing it? How young were you?"

Jeno reaches for the bottle again, wishing his tolerance for alcohol weren't so high. He felt nothing but the smallest buzz.

"I started when I was eighteen. I went through what you could call a rebellious stage, spent all my savings to come to leave Seoul and come to Tokyo after leaving my parent’s house three months after my seventeenth birthday. Then I realized that I needed money." He asks for another bottle of sake from the lady, still managing a bright smile behind such a heavy topic.

"I was trying to get a job. Simple, hard labor, transporting boxes and mail. Just lifting stuff into trucks and on shelves. And I was hired. On the same day, I found the boss with his arms wrapped around me while I was putting a box on a high shelf. I figured 'why the hell not' and let him keep going. He took me into a supply closet, fucked me, and treated me like trash. Throwing bills at me to keep me quiet and telling me to get out. I decided that my profession had chosen me, and I was okay with it."

"So that was your first time?" Jaemin was at a loss of words. He was still hungry and over half of the Takoyaki on the plate was still left. But all he cared about was Jeno. Two bottles and a half of sake was poured into him, and his tragic past was being dumped out in an overflow of soft words and crackling vocal cords.

Jeno swallows his drink louder than his whisper. Biting his lower lip and looking as if he were ready to puke as the words hiss out, as if it was against his will.

"My second."  
  
  
  
  


Jaemin frowns, knowing very well he had already overstepped his bounds and deciding it wasn't appropriate to go any further. He already asked the elder so many questions, and he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. They were still basically strangers.

"Well, if it's alright, I think I should be going." Jaemin stated as he got up from the stool and grabbed his grocery bags.

Jeno's eyes widen in an over-exaggerated horror. "Leaving?"

_Don't leave_. Please don't leave me alone. He quickly stood, his knees giving out momentarily before he forced himself to sober up, grabbing his umbrella. "I'll come with you."

"But-"

"The rain." This way I can stay with you longer.

Jaemin had been so engulfed in his words he hadn't even noticed the raindrops pounding heavily against the tarp. Nonetheless, he felt guilty about Jeno's state and shook his head.

"I'm alright. I can buy one at a convenience store. There's one right around the corner. I was just there before I ran into you."

He bowed, saying a goodbye and turning around. He walked out from underneath the tarp, covering his head with his hands, and ignoring the plastic bag brushing against his cheek. Only seconds later, he could hear splashing behind him. When he turned around, he saw Jeno grinning as he held the umbrella above Jaemin's head.

"I insist."

Jaemin could feel a blush covering his cheeks, spreading all the way towards his ears.

"At least put it all the way over you." He points to Jeno's shoulder which already has water dripping down it, and Jeno nods, pulling Jaemin closer. A 'sure' slipped past his lips, but the umbrella didn't move an inch the entire walk.

Jeno lets Jaemin lead, mostly because he's not completely sure how to get to Jaemin's apartment from this direction.

He shakes out the umbrella as he enters the building, climbing the normally lonely flights of stairs, this time with Jaemin, and feeling much better about it as compared to the past experiences.

When they made their way into Jaemin's apartment door, Jeno didn't even knew what he was doing as the door slammed shut. His umbrella fell, and he had Jaemin pinned against the wall, his tongue in the other's mouth and Jaemin was shocked against the plaster.

He pulled away, his eyes wide as he struggled to catch his breath, his fingers curled into the smooth material of Jaemin's jacket.

Jaemin was blushing so much it was almost bizarre. Jeno's fingers loosened slowly, pulling back jarringly as he blinked and regained his thoughts.

"I'm-" He didn't know where to go from there. "I'm um..."

"Are you alright?" Jaemin asked.

Jeno looked down at his hands and was almost scared by how much they were shaking. He realized he could hardly stand as his knees buckled.

"I'm- yes." His voice hardened and a new wave of reassurance pushed through to the surface of his expression. "I'm fine." He swallowed, stepping back. "I should go, since you're safe and all."

Jaemin nodded, not sure where the sudden thoughts of him being in danger came from but feeling oddly comforted by Jeno's worry for him. There was still sake laced in his kiss, but he didn't seem the least bit drunk. The kiss seemed to have sobered him up as his words were no longer squished together in slightly inaudible phrases.

He turned, bending down and picking up the umbrella, Jaemin's hand lingering at his arm. "Jeno," his voice was as soft as cotton and he tried his best to smile lightly. "I didn't mind."

Jeno turned, his eyes confused and his eyebrows bending upward, holding the umbrella tightly and hoping his heart wouldn't break through his chest. His voice cracked the slightest bit. "You didn't?"

It shouldn't be a shock to him, Jaemin had called him, Jaemin had paid for him, Jaemin had even begged him just to sit on the couch and watch a movie. It was obvious he wouldn't mind no matter what Jeno did to him, yet he still found it thrillingly shocking. Maybe his alcohol tolerance wasn't quite as high as he had thought.

Jaemin swallowed and Jeno's eyes followed his adams apple.

"Then..." Jeno's voice was the gentlest whispers. "Can I do it again?"

Jaemin smiled softly. "Sure"

Jaemin stepped forward, grabbing Jeno by his jacket and pulling him closer, the zipper moving one-third of the way down as their lips pressed together. Jeno's body moved on its own, his hand tangling in Jaemin's light brown hair as the red umbrella dropped once more.

The kiss lasted longer, and the anxiety rose higher before Jeno managed to make himself pull away. Even then Jaemin wasn't ready for it to end. Jeno's eyes were shy and his tongue was unable to form words as he reached down, his fingers slid over Jaemin's hand as he laced them together. He slowly stepped inside the apartment, sliding off his shoes.

Jaemin followed without a choice, not that he wouldn't have even if he did have one. Jeno let him walk in front as they reached the couch.

He placed his hands on Jaemin's shoulders, pushing him down gently, as if even a single finger out of place would break him and he'd crumble to the ground. He slid his index finger over Jaemin's jaw, stopping at his chin and lifting his gaze just enough for him to lean down and continue the kiss which was broken moments before.

Jaemin leaned back as Jeno climbed on top of him, straddling him, his hand moving down to Jaemin's crotch and kneading it with his palm. Jaemin let out a small sigh, muffled by his tongue, and Jeno ignored the anxiety in the pit of his stomach, his years of experience telling him he can't pull out after going this far.

His breath was shaky as he pulled away, getting to his knees and lifting Jaemin's shirt, the feeling of his need to retreat pushing to the front of his thoughts as he saw Jaemin's bare chest and froze.

His hands started to shake once more and with a gaping stare he looked up awkwardly at Jaemin.

"I-" Jeno could hardly choke it out as he saw Jaemin, submissive before him, and wished with his whole entire heart that things had been different. That he didn't have a history of anxiety, and that he hadn't been living in the past for so many years. He wished he could kiss Jaemin without memories swimming their way into his emotions and making him think of this as just another session. He wished he could have pure love, that Jaemin had been his high school friend and they had met in geometry class only to fall in love, but he didn't have that situation, and this would take time. A lot of time.

"I-" He tried to start again, and Jaemin smiled, concern clouding his eyes as he placed his hands on Jeno's wrists.

"It's okay." He pulled Jeno's hands off of him, trying his best to keep himself together because he had no idea what was going on. But he just knew this should not happen. And Jeno was certainly not okay.

"But,"

"Jeno," Jaemin's voice sounded so soft and welcoming. "Just go. It's okay."

Jeno felt tears rising to his eyes as he nodded with a small smile, kissing Jaemin so lightly that the younger wasn't even sure if their lips had touched. He stood straight, stepping out, leaving his umbrella behind. Shoes hardly on his feet and walking down the stairs as slowly as possible without coming to a complete halt.

He wanted to puke, or cry, or both. He wanted to scream at the world, at himself.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeno went home, entering his own apartment and stared blankly at his decor, climbing into bed still in his soaked jeans from the rain, and pulled the covers over his head.

He waited as terrifying thoughts and images flowed into his head, hallucinations calling out to him. He waited for sleep. He waited for Na Jaemin to come and comfort him. But all of his waiting ended with him in a broken spirit and an ocean's worth of tears.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"That's what I'm saying. I don't get it. Why should I be afraid of contact with someone, even though I've been doing it for a living? I put him on speed dial, but I never call him. I want to, believe me," he paused before continuing, "At night, I get scared, that's when it's the worst. I want to call him, hear his voice telling me 'it's okay'. I want to tell him my new high score on Call of Duty and chat about how pretty the clouds looked, but I just... I can't."

"Do you like him?"

"I can't do that either." His voice cracked as he neared tears and tried his hardest to swallow it. Hearing rain sprinkling outside and looking through the windows of the convenience store just across the street for some sort of distraction.

"Why is that?"

"I don't even know him."

"But you've slept with him before?"

"That doesn't mean anything."

"But you admire him; you think he's attractive?"

"I- yes."

"But the anxiety is keeping you away from him?"

"Well, I..."

"You're scared."

"I am... I've got a feeling right in the pit of my stomach that makes me feel as if I could throw up every second, I touch him or want to. I've got hallucinations, awful things, feelings of bugs crawling up my legs and diseases forming in my body. I'm scared. What's happening to me?"

"It's understandable."

"Am I crazy?"

"It's just the effects."

"The effects." His voice was laced with disgust. "I have to deal with effects?"

"Didn't you expect these symptoms once you realized you had already tried to put a mental block on the entire situation? Now that you've embraced that, you should know it's not going to just suddenly heal. That's why you see me once a month isn't it?"

"I don't think I know anything. I see you, but it's not helping. I feel trapped in my own skin and I want to scream at every little thing just in an effort to let myself escape."

"I can only push you in the right direction. Most of the work towards getting rid of the anxiety is on your part. Try to open up, tell him about what you've been through, see if he'll understand."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Is that what you're afraid of?"

There was a long pause as he held his arms against his chest and shuddered.

"What if he's afraid of me?" His voice was a hurt whisper, a question that couldn't be answered and a breath that echoed off the walls.

"If you like him, he must be worth it. He must not be that cruel."

"But, you see," He continued to look out the window, wondering what the face of the man in the convenience store looked like as he stared at the back of his head. "I'm afraid of me too."

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**[Flashback]**

"Shut the hell up Mom!"

"You don't speak to your elders like that. You listen to me. This cigarette, it's not going to get you anywhere. It's going to cost you money and give you cancer, is that what you want?"

"I'm not fucking addicted. I told you. I was out at a bar and a chick gave me one and I took it. Is it so bad to try the damn thing?"

The boy peered warily into the kitchen from where he was in the living room, his fingers curled around the frame of the opening in the plaster, to see his mom, standing there with his older brother. The both of them fighting to no end, his mother holding a cigarette, and his brother clearly having difficulty standing.

"Oh, so a bar." She scoffs, digging the cigarette into the counter and brushing it aside. "You think alcoholism is better than an addiction to smoking then?"

"Well for fucks sake Mom. What do you want me to do? You couldn't have expected me to be the perfect son, not with how you raised me. Not with all of that of 'look after your brother, make sure he's okay.' 'Keep your brother safe make sure he's not sneaking off anywhere.' 'Are you okay? Remember, your brother's happiness comes before yours, keep him entertained.' 'While you're watching your brother, make sure to do your homework, and even if you have to take him, go to that class at eleven pm, we can't have our son being a failure and getting a low grade on his exams.' You think that kind of pressure didn't mess me up just a little bit?"

His mother rolled her eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh, her hands on her hips and drawn in a perfect line of dissatisfaction.

"Both your father and I had to work. We had no other choice but to put your brother in your care. We just said what we thought you needed to know. At first you had been completely clueless when it came to taking care of the child."

"So, what, you just expected me to be his third parent?"

"That's what an older brother is for."

"No, it fucking isn't. I wanted to be his friend. I didn't want to get blamed for being irresponsible when he accidentally ran into something and broke it, or when he got hurt and cried for five minutes. Why was everything always my damn fault?"

His mother shakes her head, her hand on her forehead.

"We're getting off track. This isn't about your brother. This is about you being irresponsible and damaging your body and staying out until eleven at night, only to come back like this." She gestures to the boy in disgust.

The fifteen-year-old boy shivers, still standing. His back aching from the angle he's positioned in, but nothing could tear his eyes away from a scene like this.

Smoke was still drifting from the smashed cigarette, tickling his nostrils as he watched his elder brother stumble every time, he tried to stand tall. He saw his mother, who, granted, had a closed mind. But still was right about the effects his brother's habits were having on his body.

"Oh, right," His brother rolls his eyes, throwing his hands in the air, and the boy takes this as his cue to run. Quickly going up the stairs in fear of being noticed, taking the same position, head peeking out of the doorway and looking into the kitchen. Only this time he was in his bedroom and he had to try to catch glimpses of facial expressions from down the stairway. "It's all me being irresponsible, I forgot. Just call me the irresponsible disappointment child. The guy who can't do anything!" The younger quickly pulled away as he saw his brother beginning his ascent up the stairs, leaving his door ajar as he runs to the bottom bunk of his bed and lays down. He threw the blankets over his head and listened intently. He could hear his brother's voice becoming muffled, assuming he had turned back to the kitchen to yell the phrase of 'Because I'm always just so painfully irresponsible, right Mom?!" Then he continues to stomp his way up the stairs, turning right, and pushing open the door.

The boy's breath shallows as he peeked out from underneath the blanket, light flooding into his room as his brother steps in.

He tilts his head, stepping closer to the bed and squatting, seeing his kid brother's widely opened eyes and feeling remorse flood over him.

"You heard all of that?"

The fifteen-year-old nods warily, feeling the absolute opposite of masculine in the way he's dealing with the entire thing. Wondering why he can't manage to act his age as his brother stands, ruffling his hair and sighing, exhausted. "Hyung, do you hate me?"

His brother quickly shakes his head. "I don't hate you. I hate what Mom and Dad have made me feel about you sometimes. It's sickening to have bad thoughts about your younger brother, and it's all because of the pressure they put on me when you were little."

The young boy nods, adjusting to a more comfortable position in his bed. "Why do you drink?"

"It takes away the pain."

"Should I drink?"

"No." There was an instant sound of alarm in the elder’s voice as he pulled off his jeans and shirt and made his way back to the bed. "Drinking is awful. It puts you in this kind of pit of depression and messes up your life and you can never get out of it on your own."

The younger brother nods knowingly. "So, you're stuck in sadness?"

There's a small, dry laugh as the elder hoists himself onto the top bunk and the structure squeaks until he settles. "I guess you could say that, but the thing is, I'm stuck in more than that."

"More?"

"Mhm." His brother heaves a sigh, staring at the dimly lit ceiling, and the younger gets up quickly, closing the door back to how he originally had it and resuming his place under heavy covers. "There's other stuff, that I shouldn't be feeling."

"Like what?"

"Well, you see, I like this person."

"And?"

"I'm not supposed to. I'm not allowed to like them." The boy takes a deep breath, his voice hushed as to not be heard on the off chance that his mother is listening through the vents.

"Why not? Are they too rich?"

"No. That's not it." His tone drops.

"Oh. I see." He rolls on his side, facing the wall and listening to his hyung's breathing. "So, it's forbidden."

"Yeah."

"They're a boy."

There was an air of loneliness in the elder’s voice as he closes his eyes. "Yeah."

"Hyung," He takes a sharp breath. "It's okay if you're gay. I won't tell."

He laughs awkwardly. "It's still forbidden."

"It's okay."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Well, I guess if you say so. It's okay."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin has been worried.

Or maybe worried was an understatement. He has been terrified, and possibly a hint insane. Jeno left him, looking as if he had just seen a ghost, leaving him to sit in his apartment feeling like a complete piece of trash.

For the past week, he's tossed and turned around in his bed so much that he just gave up on sleep altogether. He had finally managed to take a two-hour nap just today, then followed it with gallons of coffee as he really didn't know what to do.

He called in sick to work for so many days that he doesn't remember the last time that he went. Jaemin stared at Jeno's number countless times, picking up his phone every few minutes just to look at the damn thing and set it back down.

He sat with no entertainment, no movies in front of him or music to help his thoughts, he just sat in silence.

He was worried. He was absolute head over heels worried for Jeno and the mental breakdown he himself may have caused for the boy. He wasn't sure what he had done wrong, and maybe that was the worst part of it.

Things had been going great, maybe even too well. Jeno actually seemed interested in him. He pinned him against the fucking wall and initiated a kiss. He had set him on the couch, treating him as if he were actually worth it. As if he was actually a damn love interest. But instead, Jeno froze and looked near to tears, turning pale, and ran out the door and it was all Jaemin's fault. He just knew it must be. He wondered if it had maybe been because he smelled bad, or if he said something wrong at the food stand, or if maybe Jeno had suddenly realized that he was deathly ill because he hadn't moved the fucking umbrella over his head like Jaemin had told him to.

He reprimanded himself for not stressing the importance of Jeno's health.

But with all these thoughts, all these fake conclusions and theories flooding his apartment, things like 'maybe it's because he doesn't like the look of my couch' started to make sense and he was sick and tired of it.

He wanted an answer. He wanted a reason why Jeno had gone from overly emotional to utterly repulsed in three seconds flat.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno was a wreck. He had spent the entire week refusing calls from good customers. He even lost a few of his loyal ones. At first, he had thought 'if I get back into the swing of things, if I see my customers and treat it as if nothing happened, it will actually start to feel like nothing happened.' But after sneaking behind one man's wife, and having drunk sex with another, he realized it was not helping at all.

He wanted to apologize; he really did.

He wanted to call Jaemin and say 'I'm sorry for flipping out. I'll even fuck you for free to make up for it.' But that didn't seem like the right solution, and he wished to all hell that Jaemin would contact him first. A call hadn't come for six days. Eight thousand, six hundred, and forty minutes. Five hundred and eighteen thousand, and four hundred fucking seconds. He was going bat shit crazy.

He had gone to a guy’s house, a really well off guy. He owned a mansion, had about twenty maids, and a very strict wife. First, he passed by the maids, thinking 'what would Jaemin do in a big house like this'. He told the wife the story his client had set up: Businessman. Architect. Helping develop a new structure to make work more efficient - still thinking 'Jaemin would probably hit me over the head with a lead pipe if he saw the kind of stuff I do sometimes'.

He then went into the very snooty man's office, allowed the shorter to strip off his shirt, then his pants, and he even allowed himself to enjoy it. His head lulled back as the man's lips wrapped around his dick. Shivers ran down his spine as the man whispered things such as 'I've always wanted to know what it was like to have a on sex call'. His fingers curled into the mahogany desk and his lips parted as he was sent into an ice state, and his mind reverberated with the constant thought of 'I wish it was Jaemin'.

After it ended, Jeno was led to the door. Behind his wife's eyes, the man handed him a business card, as if flashing his name were a luxury for the receiver, and Jeno should be thankful to have his dick squeezed by him. 'Hyunwoo' he said, 'I'll call you again.'

But Jeno, quite frankly, did not give a shit. He left walking down the man's unnecessarily large field-like yard and returned to his apartment to sulk.

After a full two days of crying, and feeling sorry for himself, he thought 'let’s try it again, it might do me good.' and responded to a second call.

This man was taller, rather thin, messily dyed blonde hair and a cheesy smile. Jeno didn't mind meeting clients in bars. It was somewhat normal, however, all he thought this time with a small burst of dry laughter was 'I met Jaemin in a bar.'

The man ordered him a drink, and he accepted. The man offered to take him to his apartment, and he accepted. 'Jaemin's apartment doesn't have an elevator either'.

The man, cheesy smile and all, was just as similar as the rest. Jeno entered, and the facade was pulled down in an instant. He was thrown against the door, and a hand slid underneath his shirt, fingers twisting at his and his shoulder blades digging into the metal. 'Jaemin's a lot shorter'. Kisses planted along his neck and clothes stripped off of him. 'Jaemin always stares at me like I'm some sort of fucking angel when I take off my shirt.'

This guy was slightly more abusive than others, completely normal.

Some guys just like the rough sex. Jeno slid his mouth over the man's cock, still comparing it to Jaemin's. He kissed on command and he used his hands as he had learned to do over the years. 'Jaemin's lips are softer.' 'Jaemin's hands feel safer.' 'Jaemin's breathing is cuter.' He sucked the client dry as Jaemin's name was repeated over and over in his mind, then he left. Almost forgetting to take his money as he went back in the direction, he assumed he needed to go in order to reach his apartment. The man leaned out the window. That, in the very least, was new.

He held up his large hands, waving with a strange sort of smile. "I'm going to call you again!" He said. "If you can remember my name is Moongyu next time, instead of that Jaemin, I'll pay you double!"

Jeno waved back, returning to his apartment once more and realizing having sex with other men was absolutely not helping.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The time neared to three weeks now.

Jaemin had managed to get more sleep, he was able to go back to work and focus just a little bit more. He even managed to eat his meals regularly and distract himself for a few hours before the gnawing urge to call Jeno got a hold of him once more.

It started to feel as if they had a fight.

As if Jeno had walked out on him after they had both yelled at each other and they were now trying to see just who would break first. Neither one of them had yelled, neither one had exclaimed 'I hate you!' In fact, their actions had stated the absolute opposite.

Funny, how the last actions Jeno had taken seemed more like screams to him than a simple 'goodbye', and suddenly "actions speak louder than words" had a whole new meaning.

He had realized that he was saving more money than he had expected. He wasn't eating as much as would be recommended by a dietitian, but he was surviving so he didn't care. He wasn't buying things. He was walking to work, and he hadn't hired Jeno. His wallet was looking painfully full and he didn't think that should be possible. He always thought a lot of money was a good thing, but not if that money represented your loneliness apparently.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno had decided to pull himself together. He went to an early therapy session and was told it would be best to contact Jaemin and get things out into the open and fix what he had done.

He nodded, saying 'I guess that's right' and promptly went home to curl into a ball on his couch because that stupid therapist was doing nothing except taking his money and saying useless things.

The next day, he decided would be his recovery day. He read his favorite book. A story, about a dragon and a young boy and how he has to find his destiny, a girl tags along, and falls in love with him, and the boy leaves, crying every step of his journey and wishing he had brought the girl with him. It was kind of cute, kind of heartbreaking. Jeno had always loved fantasy.

However, this time, he found himself comparing his actions to the boy's, and he hated the kid. He screamed at him to 'go back and do something ' and 'well then why the hell did you fucking walk out on her she didn't do anything to deserve that' and despite having read the book three times and never having felt any real emotions. By the last page, he was in a puddle of tears as the girl had ended up dying and the boy had ended up saving the world and uttering the noble words of 'I wish I hadn't left you in the first place' to the girls grave on page four hundred and ninety-nine and Jeno simply couldn't handle it.

He slept in the same spot, and when he woke up, he decided to do something with himself.

He responded to texts he had previously been ignoring, took a nice hot shower, and agreed to meet his friend for a drink. He even got a specifically interesting text from a new client. He decided today that he would go, do well, earn money, and treat his friend to a good night out.

His client came first. At exactly 3:39pm, he walked up to a building. He had never been told to meet at a museum before.

The man stepped out, black hair, thin lips, puffy eyes, and slim arms. He looked different from what Jeno had seen the night he gave him his card, but in a pleasant way. Although his eyes looked sad and his voice was a little strange, Jeno was happy this was his first client in the past two weeks.

He was short, bowing to Jeno, and Jeno bowed back. Following his small gesture and allowing himself to be led through narrow hallways. They finally ended up in a staff room and the man locked the door.

"Why did you call me?"

Jeno could tell he was nervous, and gave him a little sympathy, thinking maybe a few words would calm him down.

"To be honest, I just want to get back at my boyfriend." He spoke in broken Japanese and Jeno tried his hardest to understand what he was saying although a few words were messed up here and there. His sentences were somewhat awkward and out of place, mentioning objects that weren't actually intended, but Jeno managed to struggle through the pitiful words and the point got across. "He cheated on me, with a prostitute, a guy like you. His neighbor is kind of a friend of mine and he said he saw a guy enter in and heard some strange sounds, and when I confronted him about it, he lied to me. So, I want to get back at him."

"Are you sure you're up for this?"

The man nodded slowly, eyes moving nervously over the ratty couch.

"But I'd appreciate it if maybe, you could do everything. I don't really know how because my boyfriend-" He chokes a little on his words. "He always takes the lead. He's kind of rough you know?"

Jeno nods. "What's your name?"

"Renjun."

He nods. "Chinese?"

"Yeah."

"It's alright. Just sit. I'll turn off the lights, you don't have to do anything."

He puts them in pitch black, stumbling his way to the couch where Renjun laid nervously, his hands sliding underneath his shirt.

The boy's moans are cute, with his strangely rough but light voice, Jeno could almost fall for him. However, he was more of a Jaemin type of guy. They finished as normal, Jeno still feeling the warmth of Renjun's body underneath him as he stands slowly and pulls his clothes back on.

Renjun gets dressed in the dark too, and when Jeno lets the lights flicker back on, it looks as if they hadn't done anything since the forty minutes earlier when the entire process had started.

Renjun reached into the pocket of a jacket which was hanging on the coat rack, handing Jeno the requested amount. Jeno nodded his gratitude, counting it carefully.

"You know," He examines the boy with a pitying smile. "You should think about making up with your boyfriend. You're nice, I think you really love him."

He smiled shyly. It's strange having the person you just cheated with, telling you to be faithful.

Jeno steps out of the room, walking down the same set of hallways, his shoes tapping against the waxed floors and a rush of cold air hitting him as he steps out and heads down the street towards the subway, on his way to the bar.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin decides he's going to do it. He's going to break. He's going to call Jeno right now, immediately, no questions asked, no time for 'but what about this' or 'think of your pride'. He wasn't going to have a single night of more unrest from this stupid event and that stupid night and stupid Jeno. Whether it was 'Sorry Jaemin, I'm dropping you as a client.' or 'I've been waiting to hear a call from you. I'd like to come over.' He didn't give a flying fuck. It had been four weeks. An entire month. He was absolutely desperate to hear Jeno's voice right now. Immediately.

He reached for his phone, unlocking it and staring at it for a nanosecond, taking a deep breath.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Yeah dude, you should definitely call him." Jeno's drinking partner took another swig of beer. "He's probably going crazy. He probably thinks he did something wrong and has been blaming himself this whole time because of the way you left him that night."

Jeno stares guiltily down at his phone. "Really? Why would he blame himself?"

"Because you just left like that. If he thought you had a problem, don't you think he would've called you before and demanded an answer? But no, he hasn't called you for four weeks. He's probably beating himself up, feeling as if he's annoyed you and too scared to press the fucking call button."

Jeno slowly nodded, understanding where he's coming from. "You're right. I should at least give him a little peace if that's what he might be thinking."

"That's what I'm saying dude! Call him!"

Jeno quickly opens his phone, pressing the call button without hesitation. He has been wanting to do this for ages now.

**' _The number you have reached is busy at the moment. Please try again later_.'**

Jeno frowns, ending the call and setting down his phone, looking up to his drinking partner with remorse in his voice.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin sighs, ending the call, setting his phone on the coffee table, laughing sadly to himself and letting out a ghost of a whisper, his voice cracking as he nears tears.

"It's busy."


	6. Chapter 6

Jaemin woke up to the sound of heavy rain hitting against the pavement. It somehow soothed his outraging headache, but not by much.

He rolled on his black sheets and stuffed his head into the pillow. After last night's events, he figured 'what the hell?' and spent most of the money that was in his savings account on expensive alcohol bottles from the bar that was next to his apartment.

All of his courage went down the drain.

He couldn't bear to call Jeno and get declined again. His main goal was to drown his sorrows with multiple cups of whisky and bottles of beer. That goal was definitely reached by 2am last night.

He missed him.

His laugh, the way that his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and especially his body. It wasn't even about the sex. His body was just like a work of art. Although Jaemin had already seen it multiple times, the unveiling of his skin always took his breath away, the lightly tanned figure was nothing less than perfect.

He should've taken a picture when he had the chance.

He wished desperately that he could see him every day. He wanted to run his fingers through his thick black hair as he heard the deep raspy voice whispering 'good morning'.

  
He wanted so much to see Jeno in the kitchen making coffee, and run up behind him, giving him a hug from behind and reminding him that he meant the world to a certain Na Jaemin.

However, he couldn't. That could never happen. Jeno was nameless and doesn't claim anyone as his own. So, whenever the elder slid down his pants, and climbed on top of him, planting kisses over his chest, he always tried his hardest to savor those moments, remember them. It was always complete ecstasy and he didn't want it to ever end.

But now it did.

He groaned and rolled over on his plush bed as the sunlight hit his skin. He rubbed his face and checked his phone on the black nightstand briefly to see if the man messaged him during the night.

He didn't, of course.

Jaemin couldn't even buy his time anymore since he went through all of his spending money. Who knew alcohol was so expensive? One bottle of Hakyushu malt whiskey was almost ¥50,000.

Dipping into his savings account again could be detrimental to his tuition payments when he decides to go back to school.

He sighed and plopped his head back on the soft pillow. He liked Jeno. Like a lot. But there was no way that Jeno liked him back. He basically had to shove money down his throat just to spend the night that day and watch movies.

' _But, didn't he share his darkest memories with you? Maybe he trusts you_ ,' Jaemin thought. That day when they ate and drank together.

Jeno kissed him by his own free will, but then he ran out of the apartment disgusted. ' _By me?_ '

Someone knocked on the door, pulling him out of his melancholy thoughts. Jaemin was satisfied with letting the person behind the door stay there until they got tired of knocking. He didn't plan on letting anyone in. With his raging headache and sour mood, he didn't feel like dealing with society.

The only problem with this scenario was that they didn't stop knocking.

Jaemin cursed and dragged his feet out of his bed across the wooden floor, towards the front door, roughly swinging it open.

"What the hell do you want?" He whined while rubbing his eyes.

"Na Jaemin! Where the hell have you been? You asshole!" The man yelled, while walking into the apartment and hitting him on the back of his head.

Jaemin stared wide eyed in his blue boxers and white shirt as he immediately closed and locked his door; still staring at the intruder.

This _can't_ be happening.

"Hey! What kind of friend are you? I've been calling you and texting you for weeks and you never respond to me! I know that you said that you were taking a break from university, but that doesn't mean that you could just stop all contact! I missed you." The man said as he tightly wrapped his arms around Jaemin's neck.

The smell of a sweet strawberry scent invaded Jaemin's nostrils at the contact. He was frozen in place, completely surprised. But then he relaxed as a few seconds passed. He knew that he probably smelled like trash and alcohol compared to his sweet scent, but he missed this. He needed this.

Donghyuck.

Tears began to well up in Jaemin's eyes as he slowly wrapped his arms around his friend. He clenched the back of Donghyuck's yellow hoodie as he began full on sobbing. He had felt completely alone.

Donghyuck cupped Jaemin's cheeks with both hands once he started wailing. "Nana, what's wrong?"

"Everything is wrong!" Jaemin hiccupped. "I'm supposed to be saving up money to go back to school, but I blew most of it on Jeno, and I'm sure that I got fired from my job since I haven't been going to work!," he let out a sob before continuing, "And I really really miss Jeno but he hates me and I don't even know what I did wrong!"

"Wait, who is Jeno? What happened to Lucas?"

"This guy I know. Lucas and I broke up a while ago." Jaemin said with a hiccup as he wiped his face. It would be best not to disclose that Jeno was prostitute, he wouldn't know how Donghyuck would react. Not to mention that it was illegal.

"I'll make you a cup of tea and some breakfast. When I'm done you better tell me everything Na Jaemin." He said sternly before walking towards the kitchen. "And go take a shower, you smell like trash that was soaked in alcohol!"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"So, let me get this straight, he just left and never called you back?"

Jaemin nodded. The mint tea calming him gratefully.

"Well, why don't you just call him then?"

"I did! And I'm not doing that again. He didn't even answer. It went straight to voicemail."

"Well he was probably just busy."

"Donghyuck, can you stop stating the fucking obvious! I already figured that out. That fact is that he didn't call or text me back."

"I understand the feeling..." Donghyuck muttered while glaring at Jaemin.

"I'm so sorry hyuckie," Jaemin whined. "But seriously, I don't know what to do." He said as he set his mug on the coffee table.

"Well, I know a place that can hire you pretty quickly. You can make a lot of money too." Donghyuck said as he ran his hands through his dark red hair.

"Really? What is it?" He asked eagerly.

"It's a surprise!"

Jaemin’s smile immediately fell from his face. Of fucking course he wouldn't tell him. That's just like him. He rolled his eyes.

"When did you get back from Korea?"

"Like a month ago? I'm taking some time off since my job here requested me to come back. They can't do anything without me." He chimed.

"What about Yujin? Is she still your girlfriend? You guys had that big fight when I left Seoul back then."

"Of course we're still dating! We're living together in the apartments down the street. You would've known all of this if you ever picked up the phone." Donghyuck stressed. "Any-who, back to the subject. I'll take you to the place, but you have to let me give you a makeover first. Right now, you look cute. Where we're going, cute isn't the main attraction." Donghyuck said with a mischievous smile.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin arrived at the said building a few hours later. It was midnight by the time they arrived. Jaemin wasn't exactly thrilled about the makeover. Especially his outfit.

"It's cold hyuckie! Why couldn't I bring my coat? We're in the middle of January."

"You'll be fine, Nana. The heater is on inside."

He wore a striped, silk long-sleeved buttoned-down shirt that showed his chest. It was tucked into his leather black skinny jeans that hugged his ass nicely. Donghyuck topped the look off with a choker, eyeliner and messy just-fucked hair. There was no denying it.

Jaemin looked hot.

"Nana, I did a fantastic job didn't I? I should become a paid stylist, honestly. Hopefully you'll get some attention tonight." Donghyuck gushed as he nudged Jaemin's arm.

"I'm not looking for attention, I'm looking for a job." Jaemin muttered. He, on the other hand, was not amused. Donghyuck still hasn't told him where he would be going, and he didn't exactly feel like going anywhere. He wanted to hold Jeno, watch movies together, and do stupid stuff. But at the moment he was at this sketchy building to get a job doing god knows what.

When they walked closer to the building on the packed street, bright red letters came into view.

The Red House.

"It's a gay strip club" Donghyuck said with a wide smile while grabbing Jaemin's hand and pulling him towards the building before he had a chance to run away.

"I already know this place dumdum! You brought me to a fucking strip club? To work?!" Jaemin yelled. "Who the hell do you think I am Lee Donghyuck?" Jaemin was already blushing furiously. No wonder why he said it was a surprise.

But stripping? He could barely walk without tripping over his own two feet. The thought of being on a stage in front of an entire crowd didn't make him feel any better. It made him feel nauseous. And it's not like it was a small strip club! The Red House was one of the most well-known gay strip club's in Japan. Not to mention that it had multiple floors. Jaemin tried to take his hand out of Donghyuck's grip, but it was no use. His grip was firm on his wrist.

When they walked into the building, they went past the bouncers, skipping the long line of people waiting eagerly to get in. Jaemin glanced at Donghyuck in confusion.

They went straight to the elevator and pressed the button for the 4th floor. He let go of Jaemin's wrist once the elevator doors closed.

"You won't be stripping bitch. I know you well enough to know that you would probably faint as soon as you're under that spotlight." Donghyuck said as he threw his arm over Jaemin's shoulder.

Jaemin let out a relieved sigh and bit his pink lips. "Then what will I be doing?"

"Waiting. Tables I mean. You'll bring bottles to party tables and all of those things. You’re good with people. If you do well, you'll definitely get big tips. Money will just be raining down on you. Especially with that ass of yours." Donghyuck said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Hey! I did not agree to this yet."

The elevator dinged when they reached the 4th floor. They stepped onto a soft, red carpet. This floor was classier than the one's below them. 

"So, are you stripper here?" Jaemin asked as he turned towards Donghyuck.

"Me? Hell no!" Donghyuck said as he bursted out laughing. Some of the people turned to give him a weird look for being obnoxious on the floor. "If I was a stripper here, Yujin would kill me. Literally, my balls would be framed above her bed or something." Donghyuck said while trying to calm his laughter down.

Jaemin was not entertained. "Then what do you do here?"

"I'm a recruiter. Which is why you're here!" He said with a pep and bopped Jaemin's nose. Jaemin slapped his hand away and observed the scene that was a few feet away from the elevator lobby.

"Why haven't you told me about this? We've known each other for how long?"

"Because you were just too cute for me to reveal you to The Red House staff." Donghyuck said while pinching Jaemin's cheek which earned him a kick in the leg.

"Whatever" Jaemin muttered while turning away from Donghyuck and towards the dance floor, feeling his ears turning red.

This floor was huge.

There was a DJ perched way above the crowd. Hundreds of people were dancing to the blasting music and flashing lights. They were rubbing against each other, and some looked as if they were high off of something. Most of the people in the crowd wore suits, or very classy attire. It matched perfectly with the red carpet and black walls. Jaemin has only been to this place once with Lucas, but they were only allowed to go to the 2nd floor. At the entrance, the bouncer gives you access to which floor you can go to with a colored wristband. If you're caught on the wrong floor, you get banned from The Red House.

Of course, the main event here was the male strippers. The stage was in the middle of the floor in the shape of a circle. The man was completely drenched in water only wearing a black speedo and a gold chain around his neck. His abs glistened in the light as he moved his body to the music. He imagined Jeno as the male stripper. His slightly tan skin dripping with water, twirling around the pole majestically. _That sight would look amazing between my legs..._

Jaemin quickly looked the other way once he felt his pants tightening. A blush crawled its way towards his face. He needed to get a drink. Fast.

He was about to make his way towards the bar when Donghyuck stopped him by grabbing his arm. "Can I borrow your phone? I forgot mine. I need to take a picture of you so I can show it to the boss."

"Wait. There's no resume or anything?"

"No, who cares about that? If you look good you make money. And when you make money, The Red House makes money. Now can you hand me your phone, please?" He said as he held out his hand.

Jaemin reluctantly handed him his phone from his back pocket.

"Now say cheese!" Donghyuck said quickly before sliding the camera app open and taking a picture of Jaemin before he had a chance to protest. "Oh! and don't drink, okay?"

"What? why not?"

Donghyuck's eyebrow twitched. "You do know how you get when you're drunk, right? You turn into a borderline hooker."

"W-what? No, I do not. I'm-"

"Whatever. Just two drinks max. And don't take any shots! I'll be back later." Donghyuck said as he skipped away towards the elevator.

"You can't just leave...me... here..." By the time Jaemin finished his sentence, the redhead was already long gone.

With his phone.

Jaemin ran his hand multiple times through his hair before walking straight towards the bar. He was a grown man. He will drink whenever he pleases. Donghyuck can kiss his ass. He was already dragged here and now he can't drink either? He chuckled to himself at his predicament.

"Two shots of bourbon please."

The bartender quickly poured his drink and set it onto a white napkin, sliding it towards Jaemin. He quickly downed the two drinks and asked for two more.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno sat at the restaurant with his friend, Doyoung. He called him after Jaemin sent him straight to voicemail to clear the doubts that his mind is spewing at him. He needed a third person's point of view in this situation that wasn't his therapist. It wasn't like he was any help.

"Do you think that he's ignoring me?" Jeno said, biting his lip.

"I'm pretty sure that it was just an accident. Just call him again."

"But what if I'm bothering him?"

A voice in the back of Jeno's head told him that he isn't worth Jaemin's time. ' _Ugly. Stupid. Who would want someone who breaks down after a hug?_ ' Jeno ran his hands through his dark brown locks. He was a big ball filled with anxiety and bad memories. To top it off, he had a career as a prostitute. Jeno took a deep sigh before the mental breakdown crawled its way out of him. He couldn't give up on Jaemin.

It's just the effects.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when his phone rang. He immediately answered after checking the caller ID.

"Jaemin?" Jeno asked hopefully.

"No this isn't Nana, this is his friend. Come to The Red House if you wanna see him. 4th floor."

"What-"

Jeno stared at his phone confusingly. The person said once sentence and then ended the call. And so abruptly.

He didn't even make any sense. The Red House? Jaemin? _There?_ It has to be some sort of prank. But he has nothing to lose.

"Sorry, Doyoung. I have a customer. I'll see you later."

If he wouldn't answer his phone call, then he should just show up in person. Explain himself in person. Then beg Jaemin to give him a chance.

He took his black coat off of the seat beside him and made his way towards The Red House.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

After sitting at the bar for who knows how long, Jaemin went to the dance floor. He felt buzzed, maybe a bit drunk, but he felt like nothing can stop him. He wanted to have fun for a change. He wondered if Jeno was having fun without him. Even though he was here agonizing over the man, Jeno was probably somewhere fucking someone else. So why shouldn't he fuck someone else as well?

Jaemin pushed those thoughts away as he swayed to the music. As he was dancing, a man came up behind him and loosely grabbed onto his hips.

As he turned around, the man towered over him in a clean black suit with no tie. He was handsome and had sharp features.

"What's your name?" The man yelled over the loud music.

"Jaemin" He slurred with dusted pink cheeks.

"Hi Jaemin, my name is Yuta."

He nodded absentmindedly and continued dancing. All of Jaemin's worries dissipated into thin air. All he could feel was the music and the man behind him. He imagined that he was Jeno.

That Jeno was the one who got closer and placed his hands on his waist as he danced.

He pressed his back into Yuta, rewarding him with a faint groan. Their hips were in sync as they danced together.

He continued to sway as the taller grabbed onto his hips tighter, his other hand making it down towards his crotch. Yuta's hands brushed his tent in his leather pants, and Jaemin let out a small wispy moan in response. He probably shouldn't enjoy this, but it felt _good_.

He turned around and locked his eyes onto him, wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him closer. The man playfully left kisses on the side of his neck, inching closer to his lips. Everyone around them seemed to be in their own world, paying no attention to the two.

The crowd was only looking at the stripper in the middle of the room or dancing with their partners.

The taller man sneaked his tongue into Jaemin as their mouths meshed together. He moaned into the kiss as Yuta cuffed his growing erection through his tight leather pants.

"Shall we go somewhere else?" Yuta whispered into his ear seductively.

Jaemin bit his lip with lust filled eyes and brought him down once more. They had a full make-out session on the dance floor.

His hands found its way to Jaemin's fluffy light honey hair, and Yuta pulled it gently, breaking the kiss. Jaemin moaned while Yuta's lips found its way onto his neck once more.

The taller grabbed Jaemin's ass while sucking on his neck, definitely leaving a mark. They needed to go somewhere else before Jaemin became a jelly mess in front of all of these people. He was about to tug his arm and drag him towards the elevator, but a familiar voice invaded his ears. It wasn't sweet either.

"Take your fucking hands _off_ of him" Jeno growled.

  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

As Jeno took a few steps closer, he clenched his fists, staring at the man who had wrapped a protective arm around Jaemin's waist. With every step he took, it seemed as if he was emitting waves of anger. He knows that Jaemin isn't his. That they aren't in a relationship or anything, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

"Do you know that guy?", Jeno heard the man say, his lips slightly brushing against Jaemin's ear.

What ticked him off more was the fact that Jaemin was faintly shaking his head no, grabbing the man's hand, and pulling him deeper into the crowd. The taller man trailed behind him quietly, seemingly confused at the situation.

Just as the elder took another step on the plush carpet, he grabbed Jaemin's arm and pulled him away towards the main entrance of the floor. He received nasty looks as he pushed through the crowds of people with a menacing glare while the shorter was in tow.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Jaemin snapped.

"I should be asking you the same damn thing." Jeno barked, fuming with anger.

He roughly shoved Jaemin into the elevator and hastily pressed the button for the ground floor.

"I'm not going anywhere with you. How could you do that?! Are you the only one allowed to have sex? That's a fucking double standard."

"I don't want you having sex with other people! What if he had a disease or something?! Do you even know how dangerous it is to be drunk on this floor without anyone to watch over you?" He stressed.

"Even so, that's none of your business. I don't ask you about who you fuck on your spare time! This is the first time that I see you in weeks and this is what you do?"

Jaemin huffed besides him in the elevator, trying his best to calm down. He desperately missed Jeno, but at the moment all he could feel was anger and embarrassment. It feels like he was caught by his parent’s past curfew and was suddenly being dragged home. There was no way that Jeno could be jealous, right?

"I called you, but you didn't answer." Jeno noted as they passed the third floor.

"I also called you, but you didn't answer!" Jaemin sighed heavily as he rubbed his face, trying to calm down. "I thought that you got tired of me and wanted me to stop calling you."

"I never fucking said that Jaemin!" Jeno exasperated while ruffling his black locks aggressively.

"But you ran out that day, our kiss-"

"It wasn't because of you! It was because of me. Don't think that it was because of you." Jeno said as the elevator door opened to the ground floor.

Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows, absentmindedly following him towards the front desk. _How is this not because of him?_

The female receptionist perked up when she saw Jeno, sliding down her black dress to show her cleavage a little more.

"Do you have any private rooms available?" Jeno questioned.

The receptionist flipped her bleached long blond hair over her shoulder, quickly typing into the computer to check for the information. "Yes, Lee-sama. We have private room 108 open. Would you like access to the room? We only have a 2 hour or 3 hour time slot available tonight." She chimed, smiling.

"Three hours." He replied hastily.

The receptionist handed him the black key card for the room with red print, eyeing the shorter male that stood behind him. "Here is your key. The room is towards your left, but I'm sure that _you_ already know the way. The bill will be added to your tab, Lee-sama."

The Japanese receptionist glanced at Jaemin again. "Is this another one of your friends?" She asked with a smirk. Jaemin glanced towards Jeno, expectant of his answer. He didn't even know that The Red House supplied rooms for guests. But he was not surprised by the fact that this receptionist knew Jeno. He probably met a lot of clients here. Maybe they even had sex, who knows. He couldn't ignore the slight twist of discomfort in his stomach as he realized that fact.

Jaemin bit his lip in frustration and shifted his gaze towards the ground.

Jeno belongs to everyone.

To the younger’s surprise, Jeno ignored the receptionist and swiftly snatched the key card from her manicured hand. They walked towards the hallway while Jeno held Jaemin's wrist, heading towards the room. As soon as they arrived to the black door he swiped the key card, unlocking it, and pulled the shorter man in with him.

It was a simple room, the same as always. Jeno shrugged off his puffy black winter coat and placed it on the nightstand.

Jaemin immediately sat on the bed, all of the alcohol in his body finally sinking in as he held his head in his hands with a groan. All of those drinks in his body at the moment was not helping him in this situation. If anything, it made it worse with Jeno dragging him around the entire building.

Jeno sighed and walked towards the bathroom, reaching into the cabinet to grab a packet of Suyachi hangover pills. It was a courtesy of The Red House to supply them in each room.

He threw the packet towards Jaemin on the bed. There was no doubt that he was angry at the younger, but he didn't want him feeling sick.

He downed the two blue pills quickly, not even caring to chase it with water. Not with what Jeno mentioned in the elevator weighing down on his mind. "How is it because of you?"

"What?"

"How is it because of you? That day that you ran out. The last day that we spoke to each other."

"I'll tell you that later. Right now, we need to discuss why you were with that asshole!"

"He's not an asshole." Jaemin murmured.

"Now you're defending him? You don't even know him!" He exasperated, staring at the shorter man with disbelief written all over his face.

Jaemin didn't look like the Jaemin that he had been used to seeing. He was usually shy, blushing at every movement that he made. At the moment, he didn't look cute at all. He looked sexy and _very_ fuckable.

And that scared him.

Looking like this, men would be swarming all over Jaemin in this place. Bile crept up his throat at the thought. The feeling of wanted to punch that guy in the face as he touched Jaemin was very, very new. He has never felt like this before. He has never been in a relationship or had a 'love interest.' All of these new feelings scared him.

The younger’s cheeks were flushed, his eyeliner was smeared, and he had a hickey on the side of his neck. Jeno clenched his fists as he paced around the room.

"You couldn't call me? If you needed someone to touch you, you could've just called me."

"Jeno, I don't want to pay for every single interaction that we have. Money doesn't just fall from the sky..."

"I don't care about the fucking money Jaemin." Jeno growled as he pulled on his tousled black hair in frustration, pacing back and forth. "Why were you even here? At The Red House."

"I'm applying... for a job here." He whispered embarrassingly, staring at the floor.

"No! Absolutely fucking not! Don't even think about it." He shouted in disbelief. There was no way that he would work here.

"I wasn't asking for your permission..." He said while laying back on the crimson red sheets, waiting for the pills to kick in shortly.

The elder put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. This man in front of him was unbelievable.

The rule.

It felt like his rule was crumbling into tiny pieces as each minute passed by.

Jeno really tried his best to calm down. But every time he closed his eyes, he saw that man kissing Jaemin's neck, and the way that he moaned in his arms. It made him want to punch a fucking wall and cry at the same time.

He blocked out all of his memories and latched onto one person: Na Jaemin.

He filled all of his senses to the brim containing only this man. He would make it so that he begged for him. That he would only want him. While Jaemin's eyes were closed, he hovered above him on the bed, supporting himself with his arms. He will do the one thing that he knows best.

"What are you doing?" Jaemin mumbled with his eyes closed, feeling the presence above him.

He ignored his question and leaned down, kissing him.

At first it was innocent, then Jeno kicked it up a notch. Jaemin moaned into his mouth as his tongue swirled around his. He clenched the sides of the Jeno's shirt as his bottom lip was gently grazed by his teeth. He leaned further into the kiss, desperately wanting more.

The younger leaned back a few moments later. Their noses were just barely touching while they were catching their breath.

"Did he kiss you better than me?"

"No." Jaemin said breathlessly. "I don't want him. I want you. I only want you. But I can't have you because I'm just your client..." He looked into Jeno's eyes and cupped his face, relishing in the affection that he's receiving from the elder. "I'm afraid that if I stay with you any longer, I'll break your rule."

"Then break it." He whispered.

Jeno kissed the shorter again and unbuttoned his leather jeans while their tongues were brushing against each other.

He scooted down the bed and took Jaemin's cock out of his black boxers. He decided to tease him. 

_It was the perfect punishment_ , he thought with a sinister smile.

The head of Jaemin's cock pushed against his pink plush lips, smearing precum all over his slit. He sucked on the tip, swirling his tongue around it teasingly while jerking him off. He loved the way that Jaemin squirmed beneath him as he was getting a dose of pleasure, a gentle tease.

He gave Jaemin's thighs a squeeze while sucking the tip, then licked the shaft, but never actually taking him fully.

"Jeno, please" he whined. The younger got more and more annoyed as he went on with his little game.

"Ooh, say you’re sorry," He insisted while lightly jerking off his cock, drastically increasing the speed when Jaemin took too long to reply.

"I-I'm sorry!" He said while biting his bottom lip.

"Do you mean it?"

"Yes, I promise" He replied wistfully.

Jeno grinned then brought Jaemin's fully erect cock further into his mouth, the tip hitting the back of his throat while looking at the masterpiece that laid on the crimson sheets through his eyelashes; all his.

The younger threw his head back as Jeno moaned around him, creating a vibration. He was trying to conceal a loud moan, conscious of the room next door.

Jeno bobbed his head down and settled on a fast past. Spit and cum rolled down his mouth as a string of moans and curses left Jaemin.

Jaemin has always been a bit too easy for him, but Jeno likes it, nonetheless. He loves knowing that he can make Jaemin's knees shudder with pleasure by one simple touch. Honestly, he doesn't exactly _love_ giving head—he doesn't really like the flavor, and he just couldn't get hard with other men. But when it's Jaemin, with his eyes closed, his mouth slightly ajar panting, and his small slender hands fisting the satin red sheets—Jeno realized that he doesn't mind it at all.

On the contrary, he craves him. Everything about the man that laid beneath him is different. Even his taste is sweet, and quite addicting.

As the base of Jaemin's cock hit against Jeno's plush lips, the tip hitting the back of his throat. He silently thanked his experience with giving blow jobs since he no longer chokes as much.

More saliva spilled down his chin as his own painfully hard dick tightened in his briefs. It was only a few more thrusts up, Jaemin's hips rising off the mattress, before he was cumming inside of Jeno's mouth.

"Nghh" Jaemin moaned as he fisted the man's hair and released into his mouth. He swallowed everything and licked him clean.

The elder quickly got up from the bed afterwards and walked towards the bathroom, needing to take care of his own problem in his jeans. He didn't think that they should be having sex until they had the important conversation that was swarming in the back of his mind. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He leaned against the wall and watched Jaemin lying on the bed, hugging the pillow in his black boxers like a koala. His slightly long light brown hair disheveled, pink flushed cheeks, and red marks on his lips from biting them too hard.

He looked beautiful.

He wanted to be the only one who can see him like this. He wanted to be the only one who can pleasure him, completely devour him. But in his line of work, he figured that it would be selfish. ' _How could I tell him to only give himself to me when I'm fucking other people daily?_ ' was screaming at him in the back of his mind.

But as he looked back towards Jaemin, he couldn't help but be selfish.

"Do I have to pay for that?" Jaemin asked as he sat up on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

"No, not anymore."

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

"Jaemin, can I be the only person..." Jeno trailed off, looking towards the floor. A slight pink tint crept its way towards his face. "I know that in my line of work, it would egotistic of me to put a label on this. But I want to see where this might go. I've never done this before with anyone, but I'm willing to take that risk with you. I want to be the only one who could pleasure you and be with you..."

A deeper blush crept up to his face when the silence grew thick in the room.

"I...if it's with you then I don't mind. I just can't get into another relationship just yet, Jeno. I just got out of one with Lucas, you know that." As Jaemin glanced up and saw Jeno's adorable pout he quickly continued, "B-but I won't be with anyone else if that's what you want. No labels, just a...pre-relationship."

Jaemin continued, clenching the pillow harder as Jeno inched closer towards him. "I only want to be with you, Jeno. I've already told you this. I like you a lot. I _really_ like you." Jaemin hid his flushed face behind the pillow after saying the last part.

"I can't believe that you like someone like me." Jeno chuckled as he walked towards Jaemin on the bed, sitting next to him. "You sure have bad taste in men."

"I don't care if you're a prostitute, Jeno. You're so much more than that. You know that right? You're amazing." Jaemin said endearingly as he leaned up and kissed Jeno.

As Jeno stared into his wide eyes he could feel his heart swell up with an emotion he couldn't identify. But whatever this was, he liked it. He welcomed it with open arms. "I have some more things that I want to tell you," he said, slightly mesmerized before continuing, "but I can't tell you here."

The shorter nodded as he showed his beautiful smile, completely exuberant by the fact that Jeno finally trusts him and wants to be with him.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure" Jaemin answered.

"Why don't you ever call me hyung?"

"But I'm so used to calling you Jeno. And no one would believe me if I told people that you were my hyung since you're so-"

Jeno playfully shoved him at that. "Hyung! Jaemin, it's not that hard."

As soon as the word 'hyung' escaped past his lips, he inwardly felt sick. If it was up to him, he would erase the word _hyung_ from his mind. But he laughed it off, trying his best to push back the memories that were begging to surface. He didn't want to ruin this moment with his past.

He smirked, then a seriousness took over his tone as he calmed down. "What I plan on telling you later isn't gonna be easy for me. I just need you to stay. Just don't leave me...please."

"I'm not going anywhere if it's without you. I was a literal mess when you were gone."

He smiled as he put his hand underneath Jaemin's chin and pecked him on the lips repeatedly, liking the way that his lips tastes. He concluded that the shorter man tastes just like the way he smells: like vanilla. It was seriously intoxicating. How was this even possible?

He really hoped that what Jaemin said was true, because even Jeno wanted to run away from himself.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

As they were getting dressed, Jeno's phone rang from his jacket, bringing the two back to reality. He saw Jaemin frown from the corner of his eyes as he walked away and grabbed his phone. It pulled on his heartstrings, but this was his job.

He slipped into his alternate persona as he quickly answered the call. "Hello?"

The line was silent. He pulled the phone back to check the caller ID before putting the phone back to his ear. It was an unknown number.

"Who-"

"Jeno-yah, I finally found you."

He froze as soon as that voice resonated in his head. It was the same voice that he could never get out of his head every night. The same voice that haunted him in his dreams.

This has to be some kind of sick prank.

It felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped all over him, drenching him from head to toe. Tears filled his eyes as he sat down on the bed, in shock. As much as he wanted to deny it, there was no mistaking it.

That voice.

**"Keep quiet or mom will hear."**   
**"Take it all in."**   
**"You fucking whore! You've been hanging with those boys haven't you?"**

Jeno felt arms around him, but he couldn't register it. He ended the call as he felt his chest constricting.

A voice was calling his name, but it felt so far away. He felt his anxiety and panic start to set in as he glanced at Jaemin. His breathing began to become erratic as he clawed at his chest for air. "I..I- can't breathe. Jaemin I can't breathe!" He panicked as tears welled up in his eyes.

Tears streamed down his face as his body started to convulse, the phone still latched onto his hand. He tried his hardest to focus on inhaling air, but it seemed to make it worse.

He couldn't do anything.

Why is this happening? How did he find him? Was it one of his clients?

The only thought weighing on his mind before he went unconscious was that his brother had found him, and he wanted to disappear completely.

Jaemin froze, not knowing what to do. Jeno seemed so fragile, as if a touch would shatter him. By the time he stopped shaking, he was passed out in Jaemin's arms with tear stained cheeks.

...........  
 **[Flashback]**

"Where the hell have you been all night?"

The sixteen-year-old boy stiffened at the sound of his older brother’s voice. He closed the window softly and turned around slowly. "With a f-friend." He stuttered.

"A friend? At this time of night? Stop bullshitting me."

"I'm not lying, hyung. We were playing games and somehow the time quickly passed." He said nervously.

The older brother walked towards the younger and fisted the collar of his red shirt and roughly shoved him towards the bottom bunk of the bed. "Would you want mom and dad to know what a slut you are? Coming back at this time of night, smelling like cigarettes."

The sixteen-year-old winced from the shove as he had a deja vu moment. He remembered when he was fifteen, he had watched his older brother get scolded by their mother for coming back late and reeking of alcohol. But this situation was different. "My friend was smoking not me. And I'm not a-"

The elder forcefully pushed him down against the bed and yanked the younger's hair painfully. He sneaked his other hand under the boy's shirt and gripped his hip, holding him in place.

"What the hell did you do over there, huh? You're a liar." He whispered menacingly.

"No, hyung." He croaked. He felt a wave of panic wash over him. He didn't want this to end in the way it did the last time he came home late.

He kicked his older brother off of him with all of his strength and ran towards the bathroom, locking himself in. The sixteen-year-old boy hugged his knees as he sat against the tile wall of the bathroom that was the farthest away from the door.

"I have to get out of here" he whispered to himself. He placed his head on his knees as tears were forming in his eyes. It was as if he had shackles that bounded him down. But it wasn't attached to his house.

He was shackled to his brother.

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Jaemin stared at Jeno's seemingly lifeless body on the sheets. He held out his shaking hand, reaching to check the elder's pulse, then immediately stopped. There was no way that he could be dead, just unconscious. He then glanced at the small digital clock that sat atop of the nightstand. It blinked 1:16 A.M at him in bold, white digits, panicking as each second went by.

"Jeno wake up! Please get up!" Jaemin screamed as he shook him, but it was to no avail. He wasn't budging at all. On second thought, maybe he should check.

He inched closer, hovering over him, leaning his ear down towards Jeno's nose to check if he was still breathing. He sighed in relief to find that he was indeed alive, but he was still not waking up which was not good at all.

"Shit! What do I do?" He said as he paced back and forth on the wooden floor, tugging on his hair. As soon as he saw him answer that phone call, he had a bad feeling in his gut. Whoever that person was on the other line, he made Jeno really scared. He looked at him and begged him for help, but he couldn't do anything. All he could do was watch him as he was in pain.

It felt horrible. He hated seeing him like that and not being able to do anything.

_What if he doesn't wake up?_ Jaemin thought. His heart dropped at the thought. "Okay, calm down. He'll be okay." He exhaled as he attempted to blink back the tears. His immediate plan of action was to call Donghyuck. But as he reached into his pockets trying to feel for his phone, he realized that it wasn't in his possession at the moment.

"Oh shit, he has it." He whispered in disbelief. This was one of the worst times to not have his phone.

"Wait, Jeno's..." He trailed as he walked back to the bed. This may be a breach of privacy, but this was an emergency, he thought. 

He gingerly grabbed Jeno's phone from the bed and turned on the screen, a little surprised and relieved to find that there was no password. Jaemin immediately scrolled through his contacts, trying to find his name. There were only a handful of contacts on his phone, and he wondered if he even saved any of his other client's names onto his phone at all.

He stopped scrolling immediately when he noticed it, his mouth slightly ajar.

**"Baby JaemJaem** ❤️' **"**

Jaemin's face warmed at the contact name, his ears turning a light shade of red. _Why would he save me as that?_ he thought. Everyone else had just their name, but his contact was so, well, adorable. It was super cute, just like Jeno.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He forcefully shut his eyes and focused on the task at hand, and quickly pressed the call button, trying not to think about how his heart was fluttering at the gesture. This was not the time to think about that. To his surprise, the redhead answered the call after the first ring.

"Hello? Donghyuck speaking." He chirped.

"I need your help! Jeno is passed out on the bed. Something bad happened; I think that he's unconscious. He won't wake up!" Jaemin rambled as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Wait, slow down. Where are you? Jeno passed out?”

"We're in the red rooms, room 108. Now hurry up your ass up and get down here!" Jaemin screamed into the phone, frustrated.

"I'm coming now." Donghyuck said before ending the call.

He glanced at Jeno again, and really hoped that he'll be okay. Jaemin threw the phone back on the bed and sat on the floor, leaning against the bed frame with his head in his hands thinking about that mysterious phone call. There was one word that the younger said that stood out to him.

Hyung.

Whoever that person was had to be someone close to him to say that to the guy. Maybe a childhood friend? It couldn't be a brother or something. Jaemin thought back to his own older brother Jaehyun and ruled that option out quickly.

That wouldn't even make sense.

An older brother wouldn't cause their sibling to be in so much distress and pain to put them into a state like this. It has to be a friend of Jeno's from the past or something.

"Wait, does he even have a brother?" Jaemin muttered to himself as he lifted his head. He recalls from that conversation that they had weeks ago that Jeno ran away from home. But he never mentioned his parents or having siblings. For all he knows, he could've been raised by his grandmother or something.

One thing that Jaemin realized was that he didn't really know Jeno at all. Only a few stories from his past, that was all.  
  


All that he knew was that he wanted to protect Jeno. It doesn't matter who that guy on the phone was, he wouldn't lay a finger on Jeno.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of someone banging on the room door hard. He jumped up from the ground quickly, and walked to the door, swinging it open forcefully.

Donghyuck was revealed as the door opened, his face showing a stern expression in his all black suit and tie. Topped off with his burgundy red hair, he looked very intimidating. Jaemin unconsciously averted his eyes to the ground, stepping back from the doorway. He felt like he was about to be reprimanded for something, even though he knows that he didn't do anything wrong.

Behind Donghyuck walked in a group of three medics in an all-white attire. He assumed that the medics worked here. There was no way that they could've gotten here that fast otherwise.

The redhead hugged Jaemin as soon as he walked into the room. "Are you okay?"

Two of the medics walked over to Jeno while the other one walked closer to Jaemin, trying to find out the status of the situation.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit shaken up."

"How'd this happen?" Donghyuck inquired.

"He was talking on the phone and then he started to shake, and then he passed out. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't move a muscle."

"Check him for a drug overdose." One of the medics suggested to his colleague as he was listening to their conversation.

"He's not taking any drugs!" Jaemin yelled as he turned towards the medic, outraged by the accusation.

"Sir, It's just a precaution." The medic said calmly as he opened Jeno's mouth and swiped a swatch of his saliva with a cotton swab, scanning the drug test rather quickly. Jaemin assumed that The Red House must've invested a lot of money into that equipment. 

As he was scanning the drug test, the other two medics moved Jeno so that he was laying down on the bed the correct way; laying the silk red sheet on top of him, and putting his head onto a pillow.

"It came back clean." The medic affirmed before turning towards Jaemin again, "Look Sir, it was probably just an anxiety attack or panic attack that caused so much stress onto his body that he went unconscious. It can happen when people are triggered by certain things or are exposed to a traumatic event. He'll wake up once his body has recovered from the emotional distress that he was put through." The man said while packing up their items.

"Well, how long will he be unconscious?"

"Who knows?" The medic said he finished packing his bag.

Jaemin stood there dumbfounded as the man walked out of the room, the other medics following closely behind the guy.

_Who knows?_ What the hell was that? He couldn't even give him a fucking ballpark answer? Jaemin gnawed on his lips as he balled his fists, cursing internally when he felt his cheeks grow hot.

This entire situation really, really sucks.

"Nana, everything will be okay. I'll go add some more time for this room and we can go and get a cup of tea while we wait for him to wake up." Donghyuck said as he linked their hands together, rubbing soothing circles on the back of Jaemin's hand.

"That sounds great." Jaemin said sadly, in a daze, glancing at Jeno one last time before being pulled out the room by his best friend.

Even though he was unconscious, he was still insanely gorgeous. His black locks were splayed against the silk red sheets. Red was such a beautiful color against his body, his lightly tan skin glistening under the material.

Just like a painting.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jaemin stared blankly at his mug of green tea, his head filled to the brim of fleeting images of Jeno. He ran his fingers through his tousled hair, causing his long bangs to slightly cover his eyes. As a few seconds passed by he remembered that he could've just checked the call log earlier, and call the person back. Whoever he was, he made Jeno have a panic attack by just the sound of his voice. He wanted to curse the guy out so bad.

He balled his fists hard, causing his nails to dig into his palm painfully. Maybe he should just go back to the room and do it now.

"Hey" Donghyuck said soothingly, placing his hand on Jaemin's thigh and squeezing it gently, grabbing his attention. "Jeno will be fine. Stop beating yourself up about it. I know that you're thinking about what you could've done differently, and the answer is nothing. So, sip your tea before it gets cold and relax, okay?" He said before he continued, raising his eyebrows dramatically, "Do you know how hard it was to find tea in this place? Tea, in a strip club of all places! You should be thanking me right now!"

Jaemin sipped the warm green tea, the liquid warming his body as it slid down his throat. "Thank you Hyuckie." He muttered.

The redhead smiled, his agenda of trying to take Jaemin's mind off of the situation working, even if it was just slightly. "So, how did you find your stay at the red rooms? Your welcome by the way." He grinned.

"What do you mean you’re welcome?" He asked, confused.

Donghyuck cocked his eyebrows, a shy smile taking over his lips, "Do you want the short version or the long version?"

"I don't care, just tell me the truth!"

Donghyuck nodded firmly then turned away from him, scooting his chair farther away from the other so that he was out of arms reach before he spoke.

"So, before you say anything, I did this with purely good intentions." He paused briefly to check Jaemin's demeanor in his peripheral vision then continued, "...I knew who Jeno was the first time that you mentioned his name. He's sort of our employee here, but the boss mainly calls him only for a few clients. He's like a freelancer, I guess?"

Jaemin turned his head towards Donghyuck as soon as the words left him mouth. _An employee here?_ Donghyuck knew exactly who Jeno was as soon as he said his name back at his apartment. All of this was a set up.

"Anyways, I called him here tonight with your phone so that you guys could, you know, make up. If I called him with my phone, he for sure wouldn't have answered. He doesn't really talk to anyone around here, including me. I mean, you were sad, and knowing him, he would probably be sad as well--" He stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Jaemin's deathly stare and hard grip on his mug of tea, desperately trying not get up and hit him.

"Are you mad?"

"Get up. We're going outside. Now." Jaemin fumed in a low tone. _Am I mad?_ That would be an understatement.

"No, I think that we're fine here, actually." Donghyuck trembled as he looked down and ran his hand on the back of his neck.

"Lee Donghyuck. Get your-"

"While we're on this topic, and partly because I am safe in this crowd, I'm just gonna get everything out in the open. Lucas currently works here too. He's always worked here." He babbled, cutting him off.  
  


He stared at Donghyuck, his mouth slightly ajar, wondering how this person sitting next to him was his best friend. With Jeno unconscious, and all of these secrets spewing out of the other's mouth like rapid fire, he felt like a fool. A complete fucking idiot. Donghyuck was the one who introduced him to that bastard in the first place!

Jaemin got up from his chair at the bar counter and walked away from him. He got him a job here _knowing_ that Lucas works here, and he didn't think about telling him that bit of information? He was so angry that he would no doubt punch him in the face without thinking twice, and that would get him banned from The Red House quickly.  
  


Everything was slightly coming together, like pieces of a puzzle. It always bothered him how their relationship came to that abrupt ending. All of the late nights when he would stay up for Lucas, and on some days, he wouldn't even come home at all.

He pushed the doors of the building forcibly, unshed tears beginning to cloud his eyes. Even though he didn't want to cry over him or even think about him, he couldn't help it. This entire day was just too much for him to handle.

He made himself even angrier by the mere thought of crying over a guy like that at the moment. Of course, Lucas wouldn't have wanted to date someone like him when he worked _here_ of all places. There is an abundance of people here, a perfect place for one-night stands. Not just anyone, but gorgeous, talented, and rich people.

He was just a toy to him, never something more. Jaemin simply provided him food, sex, and a place to stay. He was probably dating a bunch of other people while he was with him.

And to think that he was actually falling in love with him back then.

He sunk to the ground outside of The Red House, his back hitting against the concrete wall. He put his head in his hands as the cold air enveloped him, it was the same as the feeling in his heart. Tears escaped from his eyes as he felt sorry for himself, recalling how much time he wasted waiting up for him and crying over him. He couldn't do this to Jeno. His heart is still tangled up in a mess that his ex left behind.

Unbelievable.

He heard the sound of gravel crushing against the pavement, footsteps slowly approaching him. The person sat down next to him, wrapping their arms around him. As soon as the sweet strawberry scent hit him, he knew that it was Donghyuck. As much as he wanted to yell at him, ask him why he introduced him to Lucas in the first place, he melted into his embrace. His ex was someone from the past, and he would eventually forget him entirely. Right now, he needed his best friend.  
  


"I'm sorry, Nana. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me? You didn't tell me anything. Even now, you didn't even tell me about Jeno. Is it fun making me look like an idiot?" He whispered with tear stained cheeks.

"You worked at a convenience store and always oozed cuteness. You're my cute little Nana. You'll always be my cute little Nana. Why would I purposely taint you with all of this," motioning at the building behind them, "by telling you that back then? I honestly thought that Lucas was a nice guy for you."

"But you had no problem telling me now!" Jaemin said as a tear that fell down lips.

"Yeah, that's because you're with Jeno. Since you've been with him, you now know about this world. Part of this world is illegal, and you're aware of it. With Jeno, everyone here tried to snag him, but he was always a lone wolf. I heard that his only friend is this guy named Doyoung, so you're pretty lucky that he likes you, right?" He smiled sadly, running his hands through the others hair. "Oh, and you got the job by the way." Donghyuck said as he pulled out Jaemin's phone from his pocket and placing it in Jaemin's lap.

"Fuck." Jaemin sighed as he bit his lip.

"Huh? This is good news." He said, confused.

"Because, Lucas works here too!" He yelled frustrated, not getting how Donghyuck didn't understand the situation that he was in.

"Aren't you over him already? You'll be fine, Nana. You start next week Monday, so you have four days to prepare yourself."

Jaemin scrunched his eyebrows. Was Donghyuck dumb or did he seriously not get the predicament that he was in? Not only does he have to train for his new job, but he also has to stay away from Lucas while trying to build a relationship with Jeno. He didn't want to be anywhere near that guy, especially after their last encounter.

He felt like he was over Lucas, but there was something in his heart that still lingers.

Xuxi basically just stopped responding to his messages and calls and called it closure. He wants answers; answers that Lucas never gave him.

This entire situation spelled disaster. As he was thinking about his unluckiness, wondering what he did so wrong in his past life to deserve this, Donghyuck's phone rang. He looked at him curiously as he answered the call, a serious expression painted over the redheads face during the brief phone conversation.

"Yes, okay, we'll be right there." Donghyuck said into the phone before turning towards him, wearing a smile on his face. "Let's go inside, he's up."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jeno woke up to an empty dark room, which was all too familiar. His memories slowly came to him, one by one. He wanted Jaemin, someone who he always yearned for at times like these, but he knew it would only lead to disappointment. 

Disappointment.

_That's the perfect word to describe my existence_ , he thought. You couldn't even hide from your hyung well enough.

He got up from the bed and reached for the phone on the nightstand, his head spinning slightly. He sat back on the bed's headboard and grabbed the phone, pressing the speed dial button for the receptionist. 

"Hello, you've reached The Red House. Satashima Aiko speaking."

"This is Jeno in room 108. Where is the other man who was with me earlier?"

"Jeno?" She gasped.

The phone immediately went on hold, and Jeno's patience was running thin quickly. He just wanted to go home. No place was safe anymore.

"They will be arriving soon. Goodbye!" The lady rushed before hanging up abruptly. 

As the end tone of the phone rang in Jeno's ears, it brought him back to the phone call. His hyung's slightly raspy, but smug tone calling his name. All of the memories came rushing with it, and suddenly he felt nauseous. 

He got up from the bed and ran to the toilet, immediately emptying his stomach into the ceramic bowl. He gripped the sides hard as his eyes began to water. He was so dizzy that he couldn't even see straight anymore.

"Need to...go" He groaned before he got up and washed out his mouth. He then sat down on the cold hard tiles of the bathroom floor.

All of his pillars of hard work of moving to an entirely different country, never renting one house for too long, and only using cash for all of his transactions came crashing down.

All by one fucking phone call.

_How the hell did he even find me?_ Jeno thought. He didn't want to see that guy anymore. He already haunts his dreams. He didn't want his hands to touch him. All of it made him scared and sick.

_Na Jaemin._

If he ever made contact with Jaemin or go so far as to touch a single strand of hair on his head, he would kill him. Jeno balled his fists at the thought.

"Jen?"

He immediately looked up at the door, wondering how deep he was into his mind that he didn't even hear the door open.

His eyes immediately softened as he saw Jaemin moving away from behind the bathroom door, closing it behind him. But his eyes were slightly red, along with his cheeks. Was he crying?

"What happened?" Jeno questioned quickly, standing up from the floor. Who made him cry like this? _Please tell me it wasn't me_ , he thought.

"Nothing happened. And stop worrying about me right now. You were the one who fainted! Do you know how scared I was? Please don't do that again."

Jeno turned his eyes sideways, feeling a bit guilty. Especially with Jaemin in the dark about everything. "I think that now is a good time to tell you everything. Remember what I told you earlier about the conversation we needed to have?"

Jaemin leaned back on the door. "I thought that you were going to tell me when we got out of here?"

"I think that I should just tell you know. The reason why I left your apartment that day. The reason why I reacted that way."

He was scared. He was absolutely terrified of Jaemin leaving him. But he couldn't live a lie with him by his side. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, gripping the edge lightly.

"When I was younger, my brother always took care of me. My parents always had to work, so they made sure that my older brother was always there. Despite that responsibility, he was always affectionate towards me." He said with a smirk.

Then his eyes darkened. A cloudy haze aimed at the ground. “I never second guessed those interactions. It’s just my brother, was what I thought.”

"But then, when I was fifteen, I realized that it wasn't just brotherly touches, you know?" His smirk fell, and a slight frown took over his face.

"My friends at the time would always ask me about it, but I was oblivious to what it actually was. I started to hang out with my friends more and stay away from home. My older brother hated it. He started to get abusive, and then it began." He gritted.

"My f-first time happened when I was sixteen with my-" Jeno paused, his breathing starting to grow erratic. Fleeting images of that moment was the only thing that filled his mind. The pain. The way he clawed at his brother to stop. Jeno gripped the edge of the ceramic bathtub harder.

"Jen. I understand, you don't have to continue." Jaemin said softly as he walked over and sat down next to him on the edge of the tub. “You don’t have to say anything.” He said quietly as he wrapped his arms around the elder.

Jeno froze in his embrace.

For the first time, he didn't feel bugs crawling all over him as Jaemin's arms were wrapped around him. He dipped his head into the crook of the shorter's neck and returned the hug. He's always wanted this. Someone to hold and tell him that everything will be okay.

Jaemin leaned back and looked him in eyes, “So because of that, you ran out that day?”

“Touches are very hard for me if there are feelings involved. It reminds me of him, and then I imagine that he is touching me, and it begins to feel disgusting. I’m really sorry, Jaemin. I wish that I was normal and that I didn’t have these issues, but I don’t know what to do.” He said regretfully. He ran his fingers through his hair, thinking that maybe Jaemin would be better off without him.

“No one is perfect and has a clean past. What matters now is that you are able to live happily and without that person in your life. I don’t care about you not being “normal” because it doesn’t matter. You are Jeno. The sweetest, most beautiful person that I have ever met. I need you.” Jaemin said with a firm gaze.

Jeno eyes began to water, and he quickly shut them. Begging for the unshed tears to not spill over. He is truly grateful that Jaemin didn’t run away as soon as he told him.

"Your brother. He's in prison now, right?" Jaemin asked softly.

"...No. The person who just called me was him."

He knew that it sounded ridiculous, but he didn’t want to hurt his family any more than what he has already done. Running away without looking back was hard for him, but he has already accepted that he will never go back to that house.

"Why isn't he in prison for what he did to do?" He asked, appalled.

"Jaemin, I can't do that to my parents. It's been years. I've learned to cope with it. If I just stay away from him, he won't find me."

"But-"

"Jaemin. I'm alright." He said callously.

"Okay.” Jaemin said as he gave in. “Did you at least block him? Actually, you should just get a new phone."

"I can't get a new phone. My number is how my clients contact me," Jeno said while getting up from the edge of the tub, "I think that I should get going now." He couldn’t do the things that the younger wanted him to do.

The last thing that he wanted was for his hyung to find him with Jaemin. Maybe it's best for him to stay away from him for a while. Just until things settle down. It wasn't safe for Jaemin to be around him. Today was a very exhausting day, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep.

"Where are you going?"

"To my apartment."

"What? No! What if he just shows up there?" Jaemin looked as if he was filled to the brim with worry.

Jeno looked at him with a smug smile. "I'll be fine alone; you don't have to worry about me."

I'll be fine alone. Like always. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was the end of part one! Wow. Thank you for all of the nice comments! Part 2 is currently out now :)
> 
> [Click below on next work if you would want to read it]


End file.
